Chapter 6
After the drama of the previous night i was a bit apprehensive about driving the wheelchair out around my streets with the prospect of that man living in my area seeing me again and wanting round 2, this made me angry to be honest as i had rented the chair to do a bit of pretending and now i had to worry about some clown attacking me although he didn't put up much of fight the other night so i thought i was probably safe. Armed with that thought i decided to risk it, i hopped in the chair and gently moved to the joystick to the right and out the door of my tiny apartment, as i went down the footpath guiding it with my hand i was a bit annoyed the straw had broken as i had most enjoyed operating it with my mouth albeit it briefly before i crashed, i pushed the chair up to top speed past a wire fence where there wasn't any houses and it felt great with the wind in my hair tearing away at the majestical speed of 6 km a hour.There weren't many people around today so after i got my fix i headed home to my apartment, once i got there though i noticed a man looking at me, i was quite apprehensive over this after what happened the other night so i rushed inside kind of half jumping out of the wheelchair to get in a bit quicker which i was sure he saw, once inside i took a deep breath. Then i got a knock on the door.....
I stood there out of my wheelchair and froze, who was at the door? It had to be the guy as i didn't see anyone else, but what does he want? to call me a fraud, a faker? I decided to wait and just see if he would take the hint by me not answering and walk off, that didn't seem to work as he knocked on the door again, there wasn't much malice in his knocks just a normal amount of force so maybe he wasn't angry. Against my better judgement i decided to open the door standing up.
"Hi I'm Alan" he said looking nearly as nervous as me which i was hoping wasn't just an act to gain my trust then give me trouble. "I can't believe I'm doing this but i couldn't get over how you looked in that wheelchair. And then i guess it was similar disbelief when i saw you jump out of it" he remarked.
I looked at him and thought he was attractive in his own unique way but i still wasn't sure if he was for or against what i was up to. "So why are you at my door telling me this" i asked curious to get an answer.
"Well obviously you caught my eye in that wheelchair, if you were just walking down the street i probably wouldn't have even brought my head up to look" he said in probably the wrong way.
"So your only interested in the wheelchair then" i quizzed now more confused.
"As you stand now you are a very attractive woman but i just meant you were complete perfection when i saw you in the wheelchair as I'm a devotee" he replied. I decided to invite him in as he appeared harmless. He took up a spot on the couch and we talked into the night about our wants and desires when it came to paralysis, Alan told me he liked the higher levels of paralysis which i was starting to come around to my self although i wasn't sure i wanted any higher than a c5. "So your open to it happening?" asked Alan when i mentioned this. I was open to the fantasy of it but the reality was a different question and how on earth i would support Zarita and I if i ever did become paralyzed beyond a c5 let alone worse.
The next day Alan and i arranged to meet up the next day after enjoying each other's company so much, i pulled my hair back which was still dark blonde into a ponytail and applied a bit of mascara then foundation wanting to look good for seeing Alan again, i put on a nice lime green dress which showed off a bit of cleavage which was rare for me as i was normally quite reserved and timid when it came to showing a bit of skin, my legs were on show to an extent with the dress going down near my knees, i put on a pair of platform sandals and headed off to the cafe that we had arranged. As i got there Alan was already waiting outside and opened the door for me as i manoeuvred my wheelchair through to a vacant corner of the cafe.
"I'm so glad you came in your chair, you just look utterly devine" gushed Alan
"Thanks, I'm glad i came in the wheelchair too!!"
"What would you like to drink"?
"I'll have a caffe latte thanks"
Alan took off to get the drinks while i had a look around the cafe and noticed one person looking at me but apart from that people seemed to be just doing their own thing. After a few minutes Alan came back with the drinks, once again we just started to chat about anything and everything, as much as it was important for any potential partner to share my love of paralysis it couldn't be the only thing we had in common otherwise it just wouldn't work, gladly i didn't seem to have that problem with Alan who was quickly starting to grow on me.
After my second date with Alan i was starting to think this could be it, the one, i knew it was really early and after my previous relationship debacles i knew i probably shouldn't be getting this excited over someone but i couldn't help it. Zarita was due back from her grandparents' place today and i had to figure out where to hide the wheelchair so they wouldn't see it when they dropped her off, once again Alan came to the fore and told me he would hold onto it while i waited for them to go, it was still a little early to introduce Alan to Zarita so i would just get him to deliver the wheelchair back when Zarita had gone to bed then deal with any questions she might have the next day. Once the clock struck 10pm and Zarita was tucked up in bed Alan discreetly knocked on my door and dropped it off, he told me that he had fixed the straw component to the wheelchair which made me very happy and i thought this earned a kiss so we had a sweet embrace before he left, oh he was a wonderful man i thought to myself.
The next morning i woke up and headed into the kitchen still thinking of Alan who i had been having sweet dreams of all night, it sounds so lame but he almost made me giddy, Zarita still wasn't up so i went over and sat in the wheelchair, i was so glad the sip 'n' puff part was fixed and i would be able to practice with my mouth again, i decided i couldn't wait and turned it on doing a quick turn or two which was a bit tough in my small apartment but still possible, as i went to go around in a circle though i just lost control and i slammed into a wall making a bit of an indentation which wasn't very good, the noise of it all woke up Zarita too.
"Mum what are you doing? she asked while still rubbing her eyes sleepily. "And why is a wheelchair in the middle of the room?
"Umm a friend just asked me to look after it for a week or two then it will be gone" i said hoping Zarita wouldn't tell my parents. I could have just housed it at Alan's place the whole two weeks but just in case things went sour there i thought it best to keep it here as i was sure Zarita probably wouldn't even notice.
"Up for some breakfast?" i smiled changing the subject.
"Yeah sounds good mum I'm starving" replied my daughter. I fixed her a bit of muesli which she quickly put away and then she was off to school while i headed to work. I never realised how long a work day can be when you know you have better things on when you get home, i was hanging to get in the chair again and tear around the block with the mouth control fixed, i wasn't too sure about going out at night though and that's when i would be free most likely unless Zarita asked to go over to one of her friend's places which luckily enough ended up happening, she would be gone for two hours so once again i graced the streets with my pretty pink contraption, as i tore around the block i was having the absolute time of my life and never wanted to go back to my apartment, i quickly found that time was my enemy though and i must head back as Zarita was due back soon.
As luck would have it i got back just minutes before Zarita arrived home from her friend Veronica's place, a close shave i thought. Not long after Zarita came home she told me she was completely zonked and headed to bed. After a few hours passed of just surfing the net i decided to hop into the wheelchair again and manipulated the straw up to my computer and sat there, Alan and i had been talking a bit lately about high quads such as c2,3 etc and as i looked at the keyboard i wanted to imagine i was one of them but how? As i sat there i knew a c3 would have no control of their arms so i decided i could only move my head, but how would i type anything in the computer? I had briefly heard about systems that allowed quads to use their computers by voice or other means but i didn't have the money for those programs. It was still only 2002 and they weren't as good as they are today either, i looked around and don't laugh but i saw a chopstick lying over on the bench and thought that would make a great mouth stick as i didn't have a proper one. I took the chopstick between my teeth and poked the keys on the board for what i wanted, it took a while and was a tedious process but the thought of being so immobile that i could just use my head to do things was actually making me quite wet, that night it was fair to say i had a bit of a play....
The next morning i got up early so i could once again fit in an hour in the chair before Zarita rose, it was the weekend so neither of us had anything on and it was a bit of a surprise when i saw Zarita up early.
"Morning my little sweetie" i said trying to act normal while sitting in the chair. I had told her earlier that i would probably be using it as a normal chair due to the size of the apartment and not wanting to clog it up with too many chairs used for just sitting on.
"Morning mum. Can i have a go on that?" she asked. I thought she meant the computer so i said sure no worries and moved the wheelchair out of the way.
"No i want to have a go in the wheelchair"
"Oh umm yeah ok, sorry i thought you meant the computer" i replied a bit shocked. Zarita ran over and jumped in the wheelchair, my heart started thumping as i thought maybe my daughter was fascinated by wheelchairs too, it was when i was nearing 9 that i knew my mum's friend Kayla which really cemented my love of paralysis, Zarita started to play around with the joystick causing the wheelchair to jerk around. "Be careful" i cried worried there would end up being another hole in the wall like the one i had caused the other day which i knew wouldn't please the landlord. As Zarita mucked around in the wheelchair i didn't know if i should be happy or not over a possible liking of all this, it could be tough having all of this as your fantasy sometimes with most people not understanding it or not even wanting to try and understand it.
"Honey can i ask you something?" i said intending to get a guide on whether this was just a simple joyride or something more.
"Yeah sure mum, this wheelchair is awesome" she gestured as she spun around again in it.
"Do you have an attraction to this kind of thing" i asked
"What do you mean mum?" she replied a bit puzzled.
"I mean do you find yourself drawn to wheelchairs and people who are paralyzed?"
"Huh? Your weird mum" she smiled as she continued to fiddle with it. I stood there and kind of breathed a sigh of relief, while i couldn't stop my love of paralysis nor did i want to i wanted my daughter to have a normal life for no other way of life..
Chapter 7
Soon enough a week had passed since i had rented the wheelchair and Alan loved nothing more seeing me in it, Zarita had been shipped off to a sleepover so once again i hopped in the wheelchair for another night of heaven with Alan by my side, this night he had the foresight to bring over another strap and placed it over my chest to now go with the one i had been putting over my legs, i was now the functionality of a c3-4 still able to wiggle my shoulders but "paralyzed" from the shoulders down. Alan was the perfect carer and was very attentive always bringing me a drink when i wanted one, with a straw of course that he always made sure found my mouth. For a brief period we even went over to the computer as Alan had also brought over a mouth stick for me, he sat there in complete adoration as i poked the keys with the mouth stick my head bobbing up and down like a peacock. I couldn't believe i had only known Alan for a week but it felt like a year, we just got along so well and the passion i felt for him was just so extreme, every time we kissed it was just electric and i was so glad that he would be staying the night.
After many hours of pretending we decided to head to bed, even though i hadn't used any part of my body i found i was strangely exhausted as i popped into my purple and pink striped long pyjamas. As i snuggled under the covers with Alan we once again kissed and began to fondle each other, soon my pyjama pants where pulled down enough so Alan could insert his penis into me, it felt so good as the images of the night and me in the wheelchair with Alan watching started to flood through my mind, i moaned as he started to thrust harder and harder, i wanted him to talk 'dirty' pretender style so as Alan was pounding me he started to say "Saskia is a quadriplegic, you can't move, you have a c3 injury and your crippled from the neck down". As soon as he started saying those words it just got me so wild with excitement, closing my eyes just imagining it all before i started to come. "I'm coming" i yelled in euphoria, this was met with groaning from Alan clearly enjoying himself too as i felt him getting even more rigid and harder inside me like he was ready to burst, as i reached the pinnacle of my orgasm the feeling was just intoxicating and was only further enhanced as Alan declared he was coming too, we were moaning and groaning over what was the most intense and heart pumping sex we had both ever had in our lives, we continued on for many more frenzied moments before we both came down, i was nearly out of breath and was panting harder than someone who had just run a marathon, Alan wasn't much better as he laid on the other side of the bed in a lather of sweat after what we had just achieved. We barely even had the energy to look at each other but when we did we just smiled at each other, what we just experienced was unparallelled and there was only more to come.
Over the ensuing days i couldn't wait to be in the arms of Alan again, at any opportunity i could get really as this proved tricky having Zarita almost every night but as i set forth to give my rented wheelchair back i thought maybe it was time they met, time my lover Alan met my daughter as i felt he was going to be around for a while. As Zarita and i sat on the couch watching a program one night i decided to canvas the idea of me dating to her.
"Whatever makes you happy mum" she replied. I couldn't believe her response and marvelled in what a wonderful daughter i had but i had to make sure it was ok.
"Well i know you have said that but i want you to be sure sweetheart. Would you mind if i invited a man over tomorrow night for dinner?"
"Yeah that's ok" she replied which i was truly over the moon about. I rang Alan and told him that i expect him at my place 7pm tomorrow night to which he agreed.
The next night arrived and i had to say i was a bit nervous, Zarita looked a bit apprehensive too as the doorbell rang. Naturally enough it was Alan and he came bearing gifts with a bottle of wine for us to polish off when we saw fit. Alan moved into what would have been classed as the dining room and gave a warm hello to my daughter Zarita who replied with an smile, I was cooking tonight which wasn't really like me but i thought who could stuff up a roast and placed the meal down in front of them. As we all tucked in i noticed the meat was a bit tough which was a shame but everyone seemed to be enjoying it ok so all good. "So how is school going Zarita?" asked Alan in an attempt to engage in conversation with my daughter. "Yeah it's pretty good thanks" she politely responded, i know it wasn't much but the fact she was being so polite meant the world to me. "Zarita won the maths competition the other day, she got 98/100" i gloated to Alan. "Wow we may have a superstar on our hands" replied Alan which made Zarita giggle and feeling special, it was very important Alan got along with Zarita and at the moment everything was going well. We all finished our roast before Zarita excused herself to watch a bit of tv.
"You were really good with her tonight, i didn't think i could like you anymore than i already did but after tonight i do, your simply amazing Alan Parkton" i gushed as i leant in for a kiss with my man. As we embraced Zarita gave us a "wooooo lovers" which made us feel a little embarrassed but we didn't care, we were in love.
The time came to give the wheelchair back sadly but it was an awesome fortnight in it, no sooner had it gone though that Alan told me he had surprise at his place, i couldn't wait to see what it was and it didn't disappoint as he brought in a wheelchair fit for a high level quad, i marvelled at the way it looked and knew more fun times were definitely going to be had in this baby. I took it for a spin straight away around Alan's place which was much larger than mine, in fact Alan looked like he did quite well for himself but i wasn't interested in his money just his love and unwavering support with my passion. As i span around the house again in the wheelchair it suddenly dawned on me i had never asked what Alan did for work, it had been such a whirlwind courtship and i had never stopped to ask, we were normally pretending or talking about how our respective sporting teams were going to worry about our jobs it seemed.I decided to ask. "Alan what do you do for work?"
"What made you think of that?" he replied
"I just realised I'd never asked"
"Well all you need to know is that I'm in a job where i make dreams come true" he mentioned cryptically before heading off to make a drink. I sat there in the wheelchair wondering what on earth that meant but i just assumed it was good and didn't bother to bring it up with him again.
2 years passed with Alan and our passion hadn't subsided one little bit, we were blissfully in love and he was simply amazing with Zarita who now felt like she had the dad she always wanted. Alan and I continued to pretend with the sessions of me being in the wheelchair getting longer and longer when time permitted of course, Alan was also encouraging higher levels of paralysis which i had to admit were now interesting me even more now that i had a strong man to take care of me. Zarita had caught me once or twice again in the wheelchair but she was a kid that liked to go with the flow so me being in the chair didn't seem to make her want to drill me with questions. One day while strapped down in my wheelchair and practising with the mouth stick Alan asked me to turn around, obviously i was "paralyzed" so i had to turn the whole wheelchair around, as i did this i got the shock of my life when Alan went down on one knee with a little felt box in his hand.
"Saskia Berman you are the most exquisite and wonderful woman any man could ever wish to meet, will you marry me?"
"Yes of course, GOD YES!!" i declared. My eyes started to well up, i didn't believe i could be this happy as Alan slipped the ring on my finger. The wedding was set for two months time and i couldn't wait. I realised that there was so much to organise though with the dress and the minister not to mention the flowers or the reception, everything took time but true to form Alan hired someone named Charlotte to help me out with everything and make it the memorable day we both wanted. As the day of the wedding drew near I had a very important decision to make, it would be quite a shock to everyone involved but I decided that it had to be done this way as I wanted no regrets as we looked back on our day of days. I first told Alan who i knew would be all for it then i asked Zarita if she would mind and she said "If that's what you want then go for it mum" which made me very happy.
The day of the wedding arrived and i was so unbelievably nervous it wasn't funny, i had my dress fitted and prepared to go out in front of all the 50 guests or so who were mostly Alan's friends and family but a few of mine too including my dad who was waiting to take me down the aisle. I hopped into my wheelchair which i had hidden in back room and with the help of Charlotte she fitted the straps over my arms and chest along with one across my legs, I even decided on some leg splints to go with my wrist ones to complete the look. I had one last look in the mirror before i went out and couldn't believe how good it all looked, Charlotte moved the straw over so i could get purchase of it with my mouth and i headed out into the main area of the church. This was going to be interesting...
Chapter 8
The wheelchair made a slight whirring sound as i moved over to my dad, as soon as he saw me in the wheelchair his jaw just dropped not knowing this was my plan, his reaction was followed by the collective dropping of about 50 other jaws once they saw me too with only Alan, Zarita and I knowing what we had planned. The whole church was almost in a stunned silence apart from a couple of people whispering over what on earth was going on, this is what i wanted though, to be married as a high level quadriplegic. As i moved up to my dad he discreetly tried to berate me. "What the hell are you playing at Saskia? This is absolutely ridiculous get out of that wheelchair now!"
"Dad this is what i want, i have been attracted to paralysis all my life and i know you and mum just wanted this love i have to just disappear into thin air but it's just not possible. I'm 30 years old and i don't need your permission for anything" i said returning fire. If everyone wasn't already looking at me they really were now, as my father and I argued my mum came over to join in.
"I can't believe this Saskia,after all these years we thought you had gotten over this sick fascination but now you choose your wedding day to reveal it all again? Your unbelievable"
"Look mum i love you and all but as i told dad, this is what i want. If you can't handle it then leave" i told mum in no uncertain terms. My parents looked at each other with pained expressions on their faces not believing what was transpiring before their eyes. "Head back to your seat mum and let's just continue, no-one is changing my mind" i added. My mother gave me a look of disapproval then went and sat back down but she wasn't happy.
"Dad can you grab my hand and lead me down the aisle?" i asked.
"Are you serious?" he gestured still in disbelief at the situation.
"Please dad. For me, it's my wedding day"
"Oh god i can't believe this" he replied.
"You will have to undo the strap of my arm there" i told him while he just sighed. He unstrapped my arm then saw the splint on my hand. "What the hell is this?" he asked incredulously.
"That's a hand splint dad, please just pick it up as i have no movement below my neck"
"Don't be stupid you can move whatever you want" he replied kind of ruining it but after i gave him a look he picked up my splinted hand and while driving the wheelchair with my mouth down the aisle he walked along side holding it. As i moved down the aisle i kept up the pretencion of being a high level quad and only looking out of the corner of my eye at all the people who like my parents were still in disbelief over this all, at the end of the aisle stood my man, he looked so dapper in his suit and straight away it brought a smile to my face. Alan stood there with immense pride as i got to the minister who was looking at me strangely like everyone else, Alan and i didn't care though as i worked the wheelchair to face him. "You look incredible" he whispered in my ear. "Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself" i replied now giddy with excitement over what we were about to achieve.
"Family and friends, ladies and gentlemen we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of these two.. umm quite different people, Alan Parkton and Saskia Berman. It is pretty clear that they love each other very much and that is why they have come forward today to make this official and be wedded in holy matrimony" chanted the minister, he spoke quite well and i started to almost tear up i was so gloriously happy. I could still hear some whispers from people still unable to comprehend not only my appearance but the desire that i felt to be paralyzed, and to announce it to all and sundry pretty much on any girl's important day of their lives. Announcing it today was quite practical though as we virtually told everyone in one hit. After the minister finished we both said our vows to one another and the time came to put the rings on each other's fingers, i "couldn't move" so Alan unwrapped the splint on my hand and applied my ring before taking my arm and cocking my fingers so that i could put the ring on his finger using my hand.
"I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss your bride" declared the minister. Alan didn't need to be asked twice to kiss me and planted one fair and square on my awaiting lips, i almost felt an electric charge as we embraced and while some people had their misgivings we were loudly clapped in congratulations. I once again took hold of the straw and zoomed out of the church with my new husband to an awaiting van outside, if people weren't surprised by my appearance then they were sure as hell surprised when they watched me manoeuvre my wheelchair up the ramp into the van aided by my helper Charlotte while my new husband admired me from the front seat waiting to take off. Charlotte was ready to head off with her job done when she told me to enjoy my honeymoon to which i replied "Plan to". Alan started up the van and we took off to spend a week in the country with me playing the role of a high level quadriplegic for every one of the glorious 7 days we had free on our honeymoon.
After a 90 minute van trip we arrived at our country retreat, it looked like heaven on earth and a place where we could really enjoy ourselves. We had a self contained unit so we didn't have to worry about anyone else after we checked in, the woman at reception didn't come out of her seat from behind her desk but looked to give me the "poor girl" look which i really enjoyed, a bit of alone time with Alan was going to be the tonic i needed and wanted. Within the unit disability was no problem with ramps on offer and a wheel in shower. "This place is amazing Alan" i claimed as i made my way in.
"Yeah i heard about this place from someone on the dev forums, they took their own wife here" he replied.
"God this is going to be good" i enthused as i continued to check out the unit, all the doorways were so wide and i couldn't believe that these sorts of places existed as there couldn't be too many disabled people staying and economically speaking it wouldn't be a success.
"Alan sweetie could you move the phone over so i can ring my daughter to see she is ok" i asked. She was staying with my parents for the week who i was sure would have a lot to say after what happened at the wedding. Alan moved over the phone and put the mouth stick in my mouth and i poked the number.
"Hi mum" Zarita gleefully answered.
"Hi sweetie. How are you doing?"
"I'm good, nan and pop are talking about you"
"Yeah i thought they might. Don't worry about what they say you will always be no.1 to me" i replied.
"I think what you like is cool so all good" enthused my daughter back
After that comment i once again started to think maybe my daughter had similar tendencies, but unlike my parents i was just going to let her figure it out for herself and if she wants to come to me and tell me she can.
"Ok my little munchkin i just called to check on you so i'll let you go now"
"Ok mum have fun playing paralyzed" she said as she hung up. I voiced my thoughts to Alan who mentioned he had heard Zarita talk about it once to him, just like i thought though he told me that if it becomes an issue he was sure that she would confide in me before telling the broader public who don't normally accept this kind of thing with open arms normally.
After a wonderful first night with Alan the next day we decided to go for a "walk" around the surrounds, Alan picked me up and put me in my chair with a winch or lift the only thing not seemingly on offer here, i really loved just letting my body go completely limp as he adjusted my body and all of my straps. Soon we were ready to go out, i rolled down the ramp out onto the bush footpath, the country air felt so good against my face, as i jostled further with my straw i noticed in the distance a woman who seemed to doing similar. "Alan look there's another quadriplegic woman can you believe it?" i cried.
"Well yes i can believe it actually" he replied which puzzled me greatly.
"Huh? You expect quad women at every resort you go to?" i questioned smelling something was up.
"Well this one yes" he replied. Just as he said this the girl at reception also went past saying hello, she was in a wheelchair too! Only what appeared to be paraplegia though, now i knew why she never came out from behind the desk.
"Alan what is this place???" i asked flabbergasted by what was going on.
"This is where i work. It's a resort for people who want to be paralyzed and recover away from the prying eyes of hospitals or the authorities who like to meddle in this kind of thing" he replied
"So you didn't hear about it on a dev forum then?"
"No. I'm sorry i lied, i just wanted you to enjoy it with no pre-conceived thoughts about it before i told you" said Alan
"Well i 'm not happy about you being deceptive but i catch your drift i guess. Not sure what you were worried about though this place is nirvana!" i exclaimed
"Well when i said it was a place for people to be paralyzed i meant actually be paralyzed by surgeons while here not pretending, most people around at the moment aren't paralyzed but they are trying to make up their minds while here" Alan explained. He had given me a lot to think about, i was 30 years old and not getting any younger, i had thoroughly enjoyed the time i spent paralyzed the past day and all the other times with Alan but i still worried about Zarita, she was still only 11 years old and i felt it was irresponsible to put my own selfish needs ahead of hers.
"Look, by her own admission Zarita thinks all of this is 'cool' so I'm sure she will be ok, she is past the age where you need to be mobile and play dolls or anything else with her" Alan told me trying to convince me. "You could be a quadriplegic by tonight" he added. A fully fledged quadriplegic? Gee that would be something i thought.
"Sounds good but i will make my decision at the end of the week" i answered to which Alan accepted. This retreat would be great i said to myself..
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