The Pier

The Pier
It was a cool night and I really didn't want to go down to the pier. "Come on Johnny it will be fun" screamed my friend Lucia as she charged down the old wooden structure. Lucia was always the first to be spontaneous and rope our group into things we wouldn't generally do, she was normally right though and it turned out fun but tonight I just felt like going home. I stood at the start of the 200 yard long dimly lit pier and looked on as Lucia went further out of my vision and toward the end of the pier with another friend Clinton who was with us. There were 4 of us and I looked over and saw Kaliope shivering next to me, she only stood 5"2 and while she was quite tiny she was definitely a cutie with her brown hair and eyes, it was no wonder she was feeling the cold though as she only had on a very thin t-shirt and shorts. Like me Kaliope wasn't keen on hanging out at the pier. "Let's go back to your car and turn the heater on" she suggested. It sounded like a good idea but I didn't want Lucia to think I was a piker by not going along with what she wanted, I hated to say it but I'd liked her for a while and she had just broken up with her boyfriend so I knew now was probably my chance to make a play for her, she liked guys who weren't afraid to let go and if I pulled out of tonight I knew that I may never win her over. With that thought I said to Kaliope." You know what Lucia is like, she will pay out on us for the rest of the night if we don't go down there, plus normally anything she ropes us into is normally fun"

"Yeah but I'm really cold" replied Kaliope, her teeth now chattering.

I knew at that point I should have just turned around and gone back to the car with her but I didn't. "We'll just hang out there for 10 minutes or so to please her then once she has had her fun we will come back" I proposed.

"Oh ok then. I'm not happy though" grizzled Kaliope understandably.

We both made our way to the end of the pier and as we got there Lucia pulled out a bottle of bourbon. "This will warm us up!" she announced as she had the first skull from the bottle. I got the impression Lucia had already had a couple before we had all met up and the same could be said for Clinton who I noticed was acting a little more liberally. I knew it was a bad idea but I decided to take a drink to appease the masses, it wasn't my kind of drink but after a few minutes I definitely started to become more relaxed and not notice the cold as much. Kaliope was a non drinker so naturally knocked back the bourbon as we all continued to get drunk and began to act like idiots. Soon enough the bottle of bourbon had all been downed."OK well all the booze has been polished off so time to go now guys" said Kaliope hopefully. Lucia and Clinton scoffed at her suggestion while I could see she was still freezing, I was quite drunk now though and to be honest I was enjoying myself now so I just went along with the other two.

Once the alcohol had been consumed Lucia got quickly bored before deciding that she was going to jump off the pier."The water will be ice cold in there Lucia" I said amazed she was even entertaining it. "God don't be such a spoil sport Johnny. Geez I thought you were cool but I'm starting to wonder" she replied with a bit of disdain which I didn't like. I knew then that I had to prove myself so without another word said I dove straight off the pier, it wasn't long till I hit the water, it came up far sooner than I thought and my head hit the bottom......Luckily for me I have quite long arms and my wrists and forearms took most of the blow while my head, though hitting at a reasonable speed wasn't enough to break anything. Still, once I swam to the top I knew I had to warn the others that the depth of the water wasn't high enough for anyone else to jump, I also knew I might have to go to hospital as my wrists could have been broken, I couldn't tell for sure as the alcohol was numbing the hurt a bit but I knew at the very least they were badly bruised. I climbed the ladder and made my way back on the pier deck. "That was awesome" remarked Lucia with a big smile.

"Thanks. I just have to warn anyone else jumping off though, the water depth is pretty shallow and I felt my head touch the bottom"

"Geez what a killjoy" replied Lucia. "Here I was thinking that jump might have changed you a bit. There has to be some danger in everything you do Johnny otherwise there's no point doing it"

"Well you won't think it's much fun if you hurt yourself" I replied. My wrists now aching. As I cradled them though I noticed there seemed to be more booze. "Where did that come from?" I asked

"I just ran down to the bottle shop up the road and got it while you were swanning about in the water" grinned Clinton before putting a bit of bourbon in one of the plastic cups he had seemed to pick up also.

Kaliope then saw they had a bottle of coke with them, she noticed they seemed to be drinking their bourbon straight so decided to ask for a cup of coke. "No worries" replied Clinton overfilling it a bit due to his state of inebriation. Nearly an hour went past and I started drinking again to try and numb the pain from my wrists, I knew it was stupid trying to deny to myself that they were ok but I did it anyway. As everyone drank away I noticed Kaliope was chirping up a bit more and didn't seem to be worried about the cold anymore. "This is kinda fun actually. Being out here tonight, with friends and that" she admitted. She poured herself another cup of coke while we all went on talking and cracking jokes to one another. While I may have been in pain I couldn't help but look at Lucia, she was so god damn hot I almost couldn't handle it, she had legs that seemed to have been chiseled by a god while her breasts were like a work of art, so perky and bouncy, her face wasn't too bad either with her incredible dimpled smile and seductive lips, her eyes were extraordinary too and they just seamed to sear through your heart like a laser beam they were so intense, If you could create the perfect female specimen then she was it for sure.

An hour passed and it was now really late, the second bottle of bourbon was long gone and there was even a strong dent in the bottle of coke, I didn't notice it at the time but with the lowering level of the coke it also bought out a more liberated Kaliope, she was now singing and dancing on the top of the pier cheered on by Lucia and Clinton who were enjoying the show, I wondered why she was so happy all of a sudden and just guessed that she had decided to enjoy the night and not whine. I had to admit I was enjoying this different side of Kaliope so I wasn't complaining. As Kaliope finally sat down Lucia decided it was time for her to jump off the pier.

"I wouldn't advise that" I told her.

"I'll be fine, stop worrying" she assured me.

I knew she was asking for trouble so I jumped up and held on to her so she couldn't do it. "Let me go!!" screamed Lucia.

"I can't let you do this"

"I will be FINE!!" she yelled in my face quite violently which scared me a bit.

"Well it's your funeral" I told her while letting her go and hoping she would wise up to herself.

"Lucia Dorsett makes her own decisions thanks" she asserted.

As I stood there she ran to the edge of the pier and launched herself off, as soon as I saw her feet leave the rickety old wooden pier I just felt sick, I heard the splash and just hoped to God she was ok. I looked over where she landed and couldn't see anything. Oh no. Where is she? I knew I should have just held onto her no matter what, now look what's happened, I had so many thoughts running through my mind and just as I went in to try and find her she surfaced..

"Haha told you I would be ok" she crowed. "Just decided to stay down for an extra couple of seconds just to fool you". Lucia swam over to the ladder and climbed it back up to the pier. "Fuck it's so bloody cold though" she announced as her body remained in soaked wet clothes.

"I'm just glad your ok" I told her to which she rolled her eyes.

As I stood there relieved over Lucia I suddenly heard Kaliope from behind me. "Hey guys I'm going to do it too" she declared before heading off the edge of the pier, before I could say anything she was gone, I couldn't believe she had done it, she was always such a level headed person and it didn't make sense. I heard the splash and it sounded similar to that of Lucia's but that meant nothing. After a few seconds she hadn't surfaced and I got worried."Where is she?" I cried. The others weren't overly concerned it seemed but I knew that Kaliope wasn't one to joke around like Lucia, although she wasn't even one to jump off a pier but she had, I desperately tried to locate her then made a shocking discovery.....her body appeared to be lying face down on the top of the water's surface. "Kaliope!!!" I yelled in shock. Rather than dive in the water I took the ladder down and swam over to her, she didn't seem to have her bearings with her and just moaned "I'm in trouble". I feared the worst and knew that she needed medical attention and that I had to get her on shore. While I wasn't keen on the water this night I was quite a good swimmer but it was a good 200 yards from the pier and would take a big effort to get her in. As we got about half the way in I really started to tire, the pain in my arms returned with a vengeance and I started to feel quite unwell, it was at this point I lost grip of Kaliope and started to go under, I tried to fight but I was on the verge of passing out, I started struggling to breath as I felt my lungs filling up with water, I wondered if this was it and closed my eyes.....

Just seconds after I closed my eyes and submitted to the afterlife I was suddenly awoken by the arms of a man pulling me to the surface. "I've got you mate, just relax and we'll bring you in" he told me with such a confidence in his voice that I could only assume he had done this kind of thing before, I had got lucky and would be of those people who just happens to be rescued by an off duty lifeguard or something like that."There's another girl" I managed to mumble out. "Yeah we know mate, she has been picked up" he informed me. As he pulled me into shore I couldn't get over how fortunate I had been, I could barely walk but as the man helped me onto shore and the waiting sand I was over the moon that I had been saved. I looked over and could see that another two men were attending to Kaliope and I was thinking that we had all got out of it ok, we had been utterly stupid and come out relatively unscathed. "Do you have any pain or feel like anything is broken?" the man asked.

"Yes I think my wrists might be busted" I told him. "Who are you guys?"

"We are the SES or state emergency services, your friend rang an ambulance but they were too far away and when we heard the distress call we decided to attend instead"

"Thank god you did" I replied as he splinted my wrists. As he did this I could hear a bit of a commotion.

"You have to save her" begged Lucia.

 I looked over and could hear what sounded like someone flat lining. Lucia crumbled to the ground and looked to be in complete distress. While mid splint I shot off to see Kaliope, the machine was just showing one continuous long line and it was marked by a big 0 in the top right hand corner meaning no pulse or heartbeat and that the patient wasn't with us. I forgot about my wrists and just hoped they could get her heart going again, as I stood there I started to weep as the SES worked feverishly trying to get her to breathe.... Finally it happened! the straight line disappeared and started to beep properly while the number shot up to 34 then 61 then 79, Kaliope was alive again.....After stablising her Kaliope was taken to hospital, I followed her there and had my wrists x rayed, they were found to just be heavily bruised while I had also experienced a very minor concussion when I hit the water which was the reason for my lightheadedness when trying to bring Kaliope in, I felt such guilt over not being able to bring her in but I was just so glad the SES had answered the call for help. After all the excitement of the day I was exhausted and headed home with Lucia and Clinton following suit, the details were sketchy on Kaliope but we were told that they would know more tomorrow and to come back then.

The next day arrived and I slept like a log, I woke up with a massive headache though and two very sore arms, I was desperate to get to the hospital though to see the prognosis on Kaliope. As I entered the hospital I could see Lucia was already there and in tears. "What's happened? How's Kaliope??" I asked knowing it couldn't be good.

"It's really bad they think" she hinted

"How bad?"

"She broke a couple of vertebrae. They think she could be paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of her life" she sobbed almost breaking down. I stood there stunned, I couldn't believe a bit of skylarking on the pier had turned out like this, sure I knew after my jump that there was a risk but until it happens you don't really know. "Are they sure?" I asked hoping I would get a more favourable response second time round. "They can't know for certain yet but it looks really bad. It was just meant to be a bit of fun you know, just get her out of her shell a bit" cried Lucia further.

"Yeah I know, jumping off the pier wasn't one of your best ideas but you didn't make Kaliope jump" I replied trying to reassure her.

"If she jumped off in a fit state then yes but Clinton and I did something horrible" she hinted.

"What are you talking about?" I asked puzzled.

"You know the bottle of coke Clinton brought back?"

"Yeah what about it?"

"Well when he went off to the bottle shop I told him to buy a coke and some vodka, mix the two in the same bottle so Kaliope wouldn't taste the alcohol" she admitted

"You did what??" I replied flabbergasted.

"Well I didn't know this was going to happen did I??"

"No but that's not the point"

"Look I don't have to listen to this. Catch you around" said Lucia before walking off.

At that point the glass ceiling broke and I had no interest in Lucia as a romantic prospect anymore, I knew she was a bit of a wild child and that was part of her charm but getting someone drunk and what led from that was inexcusable. A young woman's life had now been shattered by their "prank" while they would be able to continue on in their life however they wished. Over the next week I heard that Lucia came in to visit once more and then was never seen again while Clinton never bothered to visit at all, such a cold bastard I thought to myself but I always knew he wasn't the most reliable of people so I guess in some way I shouldn't have been surprised.
Every day for the next month I visited Kaliope, every time I saw her lying in the bed unable to move and breathing through a ventilator pierced through her neck I had to admit I felt a little bit of guilt myself, if only I had of just agreed with her when she said she was cold and gone back to the car, but no I was selfish and wanted to see if I could win Lucia over, what a big mistake that was. Eventually Kaliope left the hospital and moved home, she suffered bad depression over her condition but I tried to stay strong for her and was always there for her if she needed to talk, naturally she was very bitter and angry and couldn't believe that two of her best friends barely even visited, one of them not at all. I decided after what happened to Kaliope that I would devote my life to people suffering from spinal cord injuries, I became a physical therapist and even took on some psychology subjects to better understand what happens in their mind once an injury has occurred, I knew it wouldn't give Kaliope her arms and legs back but that night at the pier had a profound effect on me.

Many years after the accident Kaliope finally came around to her new way of life and shed all the bitterness and anger to find love, he was a lovely gentle man and treated Kaliope really well, she started to smile again and enjoy life, it made me so happy and on the back of her joy I had my own, I met a woman and we got married and now have one child. It was soon 12 years since that night at the pier and one day I wondered where Lucia and Clinton had ended up. As I did a bit of research I found out that their lives never reached any great heights, in fact they read as a tale of misery with Lucia becoming a heroin addict and dying at age 27 while Clinton married and had two kids with a woman only to find out they were fathered by someone else, he's now an alcoholic and living under a bridge as his home. I had to say that while I was sad over how their life turned out it was probably a bit of justice in some respects, they caused Kaliope's injury and never even had the courage to admit it to her and apologise. All I knew was that I grew up a lot that night at the pier, ironically it ended up getting bulldozed 12 months later as it was beyond repair, the wood rotting to a point where it was starting to crumble, I'll never forget it though and I'm sure neither will Kaliope, or who knows maybe even Clinton, huddling under that bridge.............
　
　
　
　
　

Pretending Saskia - Chapter 1 and 2

Chapter 1
　
　
It all started at primary school, walking through the gates and letting go of mum's hand only to be placed next to a girl who needed a power wheelchair to get around, i knew there was something so utterly captivating and inviting about that chair from the day i saw it, i just didn't understand why at the time due to the fact i was only 5 years old, i was so glad to be her best friend and help her eat her lunch, sure she could move her arms enough to feed herself normally but i was more than happy to help whenever the need arrived. It was such a shame that the school closed down after that year though and they decided to send her off to another school different from mine, it meant that i just had to go back and play with my dolls putting them in wheelchairs made out of paper or whatever other material i could find which my parents found quite strange. That first year of primary school was 1980 and it would be another two years till i would see another person in a wheelchair but it wasn't very remarkable as it was just an old man, at that time paralyzed people never seemed to be on tv or in the newspapers to any great note and the explosion of the internet was still a very long way off.


Once i reached 9 years old i got a real nice surprise by way of mum's friend Kayla, she had dived into a pool after having a few too many glasses of red wine and broke her neck leaving her a c5 quadriplegic. One day i was lucky enough to have a good one on one chat with Kayla and i found out i had a lot to learn about paralysis as she told me about collection bags, catheter tubes and pressure sores, at the time i thought some of those things sounded a bit yukky but it didn't turn me off, now that i look back she was very open about her paralysis to me which i appreciated as i learnt more in one conversation with her than i had done my whole life to that point. To be honest before talking to Kayla i just thought people simply broke their necks and then got plonked in a wheelchair and that was that, i never gave any thought to the levels of paralysis such as a c2 or t10 etc,nor did it i even think about surgeries, bowel care or any other health complaints and complications, that wasn't really my fault though given the time i lived in and the lack of information, particularly for someone was only 9 at the time.


By age 12 i started my first day of high school, this was where my first period arrived and the throws of puberty had definitely come upon me too as i had began to develop breasts and started looking at wheelchairs in a slightly different way with it becoming a little more sexual in a sense. It was still only 1987 though and i felt as though i was getting starved of opportunities after my mum and Kayla ceased to be friends after having a fight over money, i was quite annoyed over this as i looked up to Kayla a bit and i never ended up seeing her again which was quite sad. After their spat i used to go to the library any chance i got to read any literature about paralysis that i could find hungry for even more knowledge, i was always borrowing books with pictures of paralyzed women whether it be from an sci, disease or some other way i was just so fascinated by it all, something that didn't go unnoticed by my parents.


One day after i came home from school my mother Candice sat me down and said "Saskia darling we need to talk". I kind of had an idea what she was going to bring up but i was just going to tell her that you like what you like and that can't be changed, something that didn't go down too well as after our chat i was sent to a pyschologist to apparently find out "what was wrong with me". I wasn't happy about having to go see a shrink over something that i didn't see as bad, i looked around my house and at my family and they all had an obsession of some sort be it football for my brother or whiskey for my dad, hell even mum liked cooking a little too much and would spend hours and hours on end in the kitchen which couldn't be healthy. Unfortunately this reasoning didn't carry much weight so after a few sessions i just made out like i was cured and the lure of big bad paralysis had been washed away never to rear it's head again, it hadn't gone though, not by a longshot as it just meant i had to be even sneakier in my methods to learn even more about this "beautiful art of paralysis" as i liked to call it.


The first few years of high school were tough, i confided in a friend my love of the paralyzed and she called me a freak and it's fair to say the next day we were no longer friends, what made it worse was that she told anyone who would listen, it even got to the teacher who chastised me saying that it was cruel and just plain sick to be attracted to disabilities, once again my mum eventually found out and i had to make a vow to swear off paralysis once again.


As my 16th birthday came and went i started to become a bit down and withdrawn due to having read all the decent literature at the library at least a dozen times and not having seen anyone in a wheelchair of any great note for seemingly an eternity, i so longed for something to happen, anything, and then i got an idea.. My idea was quite flawed and going to take a bit of guts and determination but after seeing someone with a broken leg in a wheelchair i decided that was what i was going to do..break my leg, i wasn't interested in the cast just the wheelchair, i knew i had to break it pretty good though otherwise i would just get crutches which i didn't want. I just wanted so badly to wheel around in one every day and i had no chance of obtaining one by any other means with my stupid mother having tipped off the hospital or any other place about me and my "problem" as she put it, plus they don't just give wheelchairs away to healthy people anyway so i would have to steal one which i had to admit tempted me but i thought that i should "earn it" so to speak.


For the next few weeks i threw myself into any sort of sport i could find, i was hopeless at all of them i had to say, i thought my best choice for an injury was soccer but after a few games i had barely even got a bruise. After another unsuccessful day of not being injured on the soccer field i finally had a stroke of luck when i went to run over to mum's car and somehow fell down a manhole that had been left open, my legs made a loud cracking sound as i hit the ground and i had to say it was far more painful than i wanted but at least i didn't have to worry about getting crutches as i broke both legs. The funny part of it all was almost that mum suspected me of falling down the manhole on purpose thinking it was some sort of elaborate ruse to get in a wheelchair, she was partly right but after many games of soccer throwing my legs around i then ended up accidentally breaking my legs, life is funny that way i said to myself. After all the initial pain of my breaks i was living it up in my wheelchair and enjoying every minute, i normally wasn't a girl that liked to be looked at but i loved the attention i got in it when i went back to school, everyone wanted to know what happened and why i was in a wheelchair and for how long. Naturally everyone signed my casts which went from my toes all the way to my hips making me unable to bend either leg, i wasn't into casts but i had to admit they did look quite cute on my legs with my toes poking out the end. Plus anything that got me into a wheelchair was ok with me.


While spending my time in the wheelchair was normally bliss there was just two times in the day or week that i used to hate though, bath and changing time. There comes a time where you don't want your mother to see you naked but with two broken legs i needed her help to get changed in and out of clothes as well as to bathe with her giving me a sponge bath when required so as to not get my casts wet, going through this teached me a valuable lesson though as it made me realise that if i ever intended to paralyze myself i had better make sure i had a better carer than my mum which was just embarrassing and plain awkward for all involved.


Soon the casts came off which i was happy about to a degree as i was sick of looking at them but that also meant my days in the wheelchair were over which upsetted me greatly, i was becoming quite accustomed to my two wheeler and all the attention it brought with it and i was sad to see it go. Obviously after two broken legs i had to attend therapy and couldn't believe how much my legs had shrunk in just 6 weeks, i had to admit that the look of them turned me on to a degree although it would probably would have been more fun just to break one leg then compare it with the good one which would have really shown the contrast. Therapy was good fun, they had me walking down between a set of parallel bars which would hold me up although my upper body strength wasn't that great so i made quite hard work of it, while i made my way down the line with my still jelly legs i imagined that this would be an exercise i would do if i was a low level paraplegic or someone just learning to walk again, when the therapist wasn't looking for a second i closed my eyes and imagined that was me, a t10 or something around that region that was walking with the aid of braces, it filled me with a warm feeling before i realised i probably wanted to have a worser case of paralysis than that, and if i injure myself my focus definitely wouldn't be on recovery. I did another 8 weeks of therapy going twice a week until i was considered healed and back to a normal able bodied girl, spending that time in the wheelchair gave me a taste of what i could expect though if i was paralyzed and now i wanted more..


　
Chapter 2
　
　
　
The end of high school came around which was followed by my 18th birthday then the first year of college, i couldn't wait to break away from my parents and somehow managed to con them into sending me to a university in the next state and more importantly away from their prying eyes, it was now 1994 and while still nowhere near what it is today the internet was slowly starting to creep into town and with it came images of previously unseen paralyzed beauties who were just waiting at the click of a button if you were fortunate enough to own a computer and be hooked up to what was called the "world wide web". Unfortunately for me living in a dormitory room i didn't have a computer but would often sneak into the campus library and get on the web always trying to get on a computer against a wall so i didn't have to worry about anyone peeking over my shoulder curious over what i was doing, i wanted to keep it a closely guarded secret with memories of the girl i thought was my friend ratting me out to the teacher in the early years of high school still fresh in my mind, not to mention my parents' misgivings about it all. I still remember the first time i went on one of the library computers, my hands were trembling as i typed in "Paralysis" and thumbnail images of man and woman would come up, i would click on the photos to make them bigger and just marvel at all the varying degrees of paralysis and all the tales which went with their story on how they became that way, there weren't really any groups of people sharing photos like there are now so it was mainly news reports or rehabilitation places which housed the odd photo, i wasn't exactly spoiled for choice though like you are these days so any picture of someone in a wheelchair was like finding gold, i could spend all day looking for pictures of these people but alas you were only allowed an hour at a time with everyone wanting to use the computers and probably look up whatever passion they were enamoured with. As i left the computer due to my time being up i got quite a shock when the man who had replaced me then got up again and came up to me asking "Are you into paralysis too"?. I just stood there with my mouth open completely gobsmacked.

　
I looked at this man and immediately said no, he just looked at me then asked "Well why have you been looking at all those pictures of paralyzed people then?"
"How on earth do you know that!" i scowled back thinking he must have been spying on me or something, then i thought how would he be able to when i had a computer up against the wall? that's impossible i said to myself.
"No need to look so confused" he said laughing. "When you go surfing the web you leave behind a web history that the next person can see if they want"
"Show me then" i said still not convinced, computers were still quite new and unknown so i had no idea on them at first really apart from the basics, this was 1994 after all. We walked over to the computer and he brought up the web history showing me the list of all the sites i had visited, i suddenly felt sick as i realised all the other times i had been on people would have seen this trail i had left. The man saw the mortified look on my face then said "Look if you don't want people to see what you were looking at then you clear the browsing history before you leave the computer, it wipes away all the websites you just visited without a trace"
I watched as he just pressed one simple button and all traces of what i looked at disappeared into what seemed thin air. "So that is all gone for good?" i asked
"It's gone from sight here but if someone really wanted to find out something they can always look through the registry but no-one ever does that so don't worry"
"Easy for you to say" i replied very concerned over this privacy issue.
"What makes you say that? I'm as fascinated by paralysis as you i think"
"Really? I don't think i have ever met anyone else who has been pro-paralysis, normally everyone just tells me how sick and wrong it is"
"I know what you mean but personally i think there is nothing more beautiful than the art of paralysis"

I couldn't believe he had used my line, surely he couldn't have seen that on my web history i thought so i felt an instant bond with this man who i later found out after coffee that his name was James. I had to say i was just so unbelievably happy to find a like mind and so turned on by all the topics we were discussing, after that day James told me he could get a hold of a wheelchair if i wanted to pretend, he didn't need to ask me twice as i gave him an emphatic yes. We arranged to meet outside my dorm building where he would pick me up while bringing over the wheelchair too, i don't know why i thought this but i had in my mind a vision of the power wheelchair the girl in primary school drove so i was a little disappointed when James came up bringing with him a standard issue hospital wheelchair, still it was a wheelchair none the less so i was happy to either wheel myself around or be wheeled by James when my arms got tired, it had a strap around near the legs which was cool so James fastened that tight and i almost felt a little paralyzed which got me quite flushed with excitement.


We took off for a spin around the block, i knew it was a bit risky with the chance someone from university could see me but that was just an added bonus i thought, as i wheeled along we passed a bunch of youths that all looked down at me in my wheelchair, i thought they looked like troublemakers but i was wrong as they all kindly moved off the footpath for me to go through which i acknowledged by giving them a smile, wheeling down the road was pleasuring me to no end and i almost forgot James was even behind me i was enjoying myself so much! As we got half way around the block we came up to a section that was uphill so i needed James' help, he took the handles of my manual wheelchair and pushed me up. "Need an electric wheelchair for this part" i gestured as it was far too hard for someone to wheel up this steep incline without a bit of help unless you had very strong arms. It was a nice sunny day and there were plenty of people out which made me happy, it's funny i was such a shy girl but when i got in that wheelchair i just changed and the exhibitionist in me came out.

We covered the block and took a break back at my room, my arms were exhausted and barely even able to lift up my bottle of water to take a drink. After my weary arms had helped my mouth out with some water James mentioned that he liked me, i had no idea what that meant as i had such limited experience with all of this, did he just like me as a person or something more? He was a very attractive man who could probably get any girl he wanted so why would he want me i thought, i knew that i wasn't ugly but i wouldn't have said i was a complete knockout, i stood 5"7 with dark blonde hair and brown eyes with a few freckles sprinkled over the bridge of my nose but my face wasn't covered in them, i had an ok build too i guess with enough breasts to work with and a nice bum i thought.


Then before i even had time to think he swiftly moved over and kissed me, fireworks went off and soon enough we found ourselves in my bed, i was still a virgin having never even kissed a guy or a girl let alone have sex with anyone but that all changed that night. Unfortunately i also knew about as much about contraception as i did sex and after what was a magical night i realised a fortnight later that i was pregnant.


After James found out he originally made out like he was going to be there for me but after he told his parents they told him to deny that he was the father and after several heated arguments with him over it all i decided i was better off without him and told him to get lost, he ended up dropping out of his course and i didn't see him for the rest of the year. While at school I tried to conceal my pregnancy from most people until i couldn't anymore and just days after my 19th birthday gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, i was told that i could continue my studies but i couldn't have a baby living with me on campus so i rented a tiny shoebox one bedroom apartment on the edge of town, i started receiving government benefits but still lived on a shoestring budget after paying for food and also child care when needed with my dreams of paralysis now taking a back seat to my little one who took up every spare minute i had free when i wasn't at university.

　
Three years later it was 1997 and i finished my university course while also bringing up my daughter who i had named Zarita after the girl i knew in primary school for that solitary year. Zarita was now 3 and after being roasted by my parents at the time for being so irresponsible in getting pregnant they had calmed down by now and came down to see her for every birthday and Christmas. In the three years since i had given birth i had sworn off dating with the experience with James keaving me with a sour taste in my mouth although i got something beautiful out of it all in Zarita. I noticed as she got older and started to be a little less needy that my urges to become paralyzed were now starting to come back stronger than ever, over the last 3 years i had been concentrating mainly on my studies and Zarita but just recently i had been working things so i could touch base again with my one true love outside of my daughter. That first time i logged on the computer again after such a long absence was like heaven, there seemed to be so many more pics up now and even some groups appeared to be forming which made me happy to no end. I was probably even ready to start dating again..

　
　

Pretending Saskia - Chapters 3,4 and 5

Chapter 3
　
　
Over the course of the next couple of weeks i started to look for a job, i had done accountancy at university as i was good with numbers but i didn't really get good grades plus no-one seemed to want to hire me once they found out i had to work flexible hours due to being a mother. After another failed interview i decided to grab a coffee and just relax for a bit before i headed home, as i was enjoying my cafe latte though a cute guy looked over and smiled at me, i was quite a shy girl so i kind of just looked at him with a blank expression not sure what to do, after James i hadn't dated in years so i was out of touch with what the "signals" were. After a minute or two i nervously looked over again and he was gone, i turned my back to finish off the rest of my coffee when a voice from my side startled me causing me to spill my drink all over myself.
"Oh I'm so sorry" said the man. I looked up and it was the cute guy who had smiled at me. "I just wanted to say hello, oh i feel so bad" he added while passing me a napkin.
"That's ok" i replied. I just felt like i now looked a mess with the floral dress i had on looking like it had a big brown puddle on it due to the presence of the coffee now starting to seep through more and more. After dabbing 2 or 3 napkins on it trying to get the moisture out i just decided to give up.
"Once again i 'm really sorry, here let me give you money for dry cleaning or to buy another dress" he said very apologetically trying to hand me some money.
"Don't worry about it, all good" i replied not wanting to make a big deal out of it.
"Well if i can't pay for the dress then at least let me buy you dinner" he asked surprising me. "I'm Grant by the way"
"Hi I'm Saskia, and yeah i guess we can do dinner" i replied. We arranged a date and soon enough it came around, it was a good night with Grant and i deciding after it that we wanted to start dating. The next two months with Grant were terrific, he treated my daughter as if she was his own and i felt like a princess as he was always buying me gifts and flowers, to be honest i never thought i would really have such strong feelings for anyone, i was a bit of a loner and knew due to what i liked i would be lucky to find someone. I had to say that Grant fitted the bill on so many levels but there was just one thing i had never brought up with him, my love for paralysis, if he passed that test and either liked it himself or at least was willing to role play occasionally then i think he could be it.


　
One Saturday night while Zarita was at her grandparents' place Grant and I were tucked up in bed and i decided tonight would be the night i slip it into conversation.
"When i was out today i saw a woman in a wheelchair and it reminded me of a woman my mum used to be friends with, her name was Kayla, she broke her spine after diving into a pool and was left a c5 quadriplegic" i threw out there waiting for a response.
"God that would suck. I bet she was really pissed off about it, i know i would be" replied Grant which wasn't really the response i wanted but i had to continue on to find out more about his views.
"Yeah i guess it would take some adjusting but she seemed ok about it all. I thought her wheelchair was pretty cool to be honest"
"I suppose hooning round in the wheelchair would be fun.... for like 5 minutes, then it would be such a drag, i know i wouldn't want it to happen to me and i don't think i could date someone in a wheelchair" he said with such a certainty that i knew couldn't be reversed. My heart dropped upon hearing this comment but worse was to come.
"Why on earth are we talking about this anyway?" he questioned
"Well I'm kind of into all of that, like paralysis i mean" i replied knowing now this conversation was doomed.
"What so you want to be paralyzed yourself or you want the other person to be?" he asked now in a tone of disdain mixed with ridicule.
"Well both really. Although i prefer to be the one pretending to be paralyzed" i fired back annoyed.
"Hahaha your a classic Saskia, who on earth would want to be paralyzed? I never realised how much of a freak you are" said Grant now laughing his head off and starting to chastise me for what i liked. I'd heard enough.
"Look you prick just get out" i yelled.
"What? Are you serious? Just because i don't like your sick little paralysis fetish thing your kicking me out?" he said not realising how much he had incensed me with his attitude to something that meant so much to me. He just continued to look at me with this dumb expression so i gave it to him both barrels.
"It's not a little paralysis fetish thing it's a lot more than that. Look I've had you so just get the fuck out of my place.....NOW!!!!" i yelled loudly with the sound of my voice even surprising me. Grant seemed a bit shocked and picked up his stuff and left but not before mumbling "crazy bitch" before he left. I couldn't believe how bad the night went, if he didn't like it all then fine but to laugh at it and treat me that way was just wrong and i wasn't going to cop that from someone, particularly someone who apparently "loved me". The next day he rang me thinking it was just a fight and that we were still ok but for me it was like the glass ceiling had shattered and it couldn't be repaired, i told Grant that the previous night was the last time he would ever see me which he wasn't very happy about and he said a few choice words to me before i hung up. I just sat there and started to have a bit of a cry to myself, i was just so utterly disappointed over it all, i thought i had met someone i could share my life with but it wasn't to be..



After my second false start when it came to men and having a relationship i started to work it so that i could find out more and more about other people who shared my love of paralysis by way of the Internet, i still wasn't too crash hot on them but luckily a computer with the Internet paid up for the next 12 months was just one of Grant's gifts when he was trying to win me over, at least he ended up good for something! This meant as soon as Zarita was put to bed i could look away to my heart's content, something i may have taken too literal as sometimes i got so involved in it all that i no sooner seemed to put Zarita to bed that she seemed to be up again and wanting breakfast, I'd spend the rest of the day almost like a zombie having had no sleep but that didn't stop me once again pulling up my chair to the computer again the next night.


　
After a month of exploration i was starting to get a handle on more sites and had exchanged messages with people who seemed to share my thoughts and desires. I found out that in the paralysis community i would be classed as a pretender rather than a wannabe as at this stage i wasn't actively trying to paralyze myself like a wannabe might although i had to admit that it wasn't too far from my mind, maybe they were just dreams with no substance though i still wasn't 100% sure, i probably had some devotee tendencies early on but i think it was more that i admire others in wheelchairs because i want to be like that rather than being turned on by them being in the wheelchair as such like a devotee would. One night while burning the midnight oil i was almost ready to fall asleep when i got an email from a woman, her user name read "highovawheels", she mentioned she was a devotee and if i was interested would love to meet up sometime, i knew it was a bit risky to meet someone you didn't know but after a quick chat thought what the hell and arranged a time to meet up at a local shopping mall. I waited patiently for her to come when a man came up to me. "Saskia? I'm highovawheels" he said. I just looked at him in shock having expected a woman.
"Your a man!" i remarked.
"I know, I'm sorry i lied but i had messaged you earlier and you never responded so i changed my username and sex and sent another message" he told me trying to justify his deceit.
"Yeah but you lied. I can't speak to someone who can't be honest with me" i replied. "I'm sorry but i have to go now" i added as i walked off. After that day he tried to contact me a few more times using different usernames and addresses and i almost fell for it once but then i realised yet again it was him, i quickly started to learn that even apart from highovawheels there were a lot of fakers on the internet and not everyone was what they seemed. After many false starts i eventually started talking to a user by the name of "Cutiepiegrl" she told me she was 33 which was more than 11 years older than me but i guessed it was all ok if we just wanted to be friends, she sent me a picture and i hated to say it but i wasn't sure where she got the cutiepie reference in her name from as she wasn't a very attractive woman. One thing i knew at least though was that she seemed to be on the level as people often sent attractive pictures to me saying it was them when it really wasn't. After chatting for a while we decided to meet up and i couldn't wait....


Chapter 4
Before meeting up cutiepiegirl had told me her real name was Melora so i sat at the cafe she had picked and waited for her arrival, while i sat there a woman came in that matched her description but she was in a wheelchair, she looked over and seemed to recognise me from my pic and rolled over. "Saskia?" she enquired. I just sat there with my mouth open but the words wouldn't come out, i couldn't believe she was in a wheelchair, she never told me that! I finally gathered my bearings and let out a "Yes I'm Saskia" to which she smiled, i didn't know if it was the wheelchair or not but she looked a lot better in person i had to say.
"So glad to finally meet you. Your a gorgeous woman" remarked Melora while putting on the brake to her wheelchair.
"Well good to meet you too" i replied still astonished by what was in front of me.
"I bet your wondering how i got in this wheelchair aren't you?" smiled Melora.
"Well yes!! Of course, you made no mention of it when we talked. I have to say it's a pleasant surprise though" i enthused.
"You see about 2 years ago i was mopping a floor when i lost track of where the bucket of water was and stepped back into it causing the bucket to slide and then me to slip quite severely on my back leaving me the way you see today" explained Melora. Upon hearing this i imagined myself being on the floor in that predicament and all the emotions running through my mind, god it would truly be an experience.
"So what level are you? I'm guessing around t5?" i replied.
"Close! I'm a t4, it's heaven I've got to tell you"
"I'm sure it is" i replied jealous at what she had although i had to admit some of the higher levels of paralysis were starting to catch my eye the more i got into it. We talked for a couple of hours before she told me that she had to head off for therapy which really made me go crazy. That night i pulled off my clothes and ravaged my own body imagining that it was me surprising someone with my paralysis and them eagerly asking questions while i sat in my chair happier and higher than a kite over life. it filled me with such joy to know that someone was living their dream as i hadn't actually met someone before in that sense other than talking over the Internet.


The next day i went out to do a bit of shopping, as i went to grab some bread though i saw a familiar face, it was Melora but she was walking! I charged up to her. "I thought you were paralyzed for real but your just another big fat liar!!" i screamed at her.
"Oh my god Saskia, what are you doing here?" she replied startled to see me.
"Don't worry about what I'm dong here i want to know why you lied to me" i said quite angry.
"Well I'm sorry but i just love to pretend and that insane rush you get when you shock that person by appearing in a wheelchair for the first time, coming up with a fake injury and all the eagerness and excitement in the other person's eyes having no idea it's not real. You can't buy that" she gushed. I was so mad at her but i guess even though she lied she had a point as i myself had imagined doing it just the previous night while pleasuring myself, sure i imagined it for real and not part of some trick but i saw her point.
"I know your a bit filthy on me for lying but i hope we can still be friends?" asked Melora. I reluctantly accepted, i felt like a little bit of a hypocrite after not staying friends with that other fraud but i decided maybe i just needed to relax and just go with the flow a bit more, at the end of the day we all liked the same thing and that was paralysis so we should all help each other out to live our dreams and fantasies.


That night i was online again and Melora contacted me, she apologised again for leading me astray but mentioned that if i was up for some pretending that i should come over tomorrow at 10 am, at first i said no as i had Zarita to look after but i managed to get a babysitter who agreed to work for half price so i told Melora to expect me there at 10 the next day, I decided to go to bed but couldn't sleep so excited that i could be once again tearing around the streets in a wheelchair.
The next morning i couldn't wait for the sitter to come and look after Zarita, i loved my daughter but i needed some "me time" and do what i want so off to Melora's i headed. Once i got there i knocked on the door and Melora answered, she was sitting once again in a manual wheelchair which i thought really suited her. "So do i get a shot at that today?" i asked.
Melora looked at me then said "I have got something maybe a little more exciting for you, look over in the corner of the living room"
I looked over in the corner and there was a shiny new black power chair, the sun was shining on it and it looked like a vision from above, i dashed over and mounted this glorious conveyance,it had an ergonomic design with a charcoal grey van seat and adjustable arms, it also had 6 wheels on it which Melora told me were for increased stability along with contoured shrouds which were a deep blue colour. "This is the most majestic thing i have seen in a long time" i cried as i grasped the joystick in my mind and moved the chair forward and back and to the left a bit confined by the room's dimensions.
"How on earth did you get a hold of this?" i asked while continuing to fiddle around in the wheelchair.
"I have a friend who works for the power chair company and at the moment they seemed to have a few too many in stock so he told me i could lend this one for a little bit as no-one will miss it for a while. You should count yourself lucky that wheelchair is the most advanced one around for this time"
"Why don't you want to drive this instead of the manual?" i asked not believing anyone would not want to drive this beast of a chair.
"I prefer to use my arms, it feels more authentic that way" she replied. "Should we head out?"
"Oh yeah definitely, I can't wait to get this out and about!" i cried with excitement. We headed out the door and Melora gestured which way to go. Just as we went to hit the footpath though Melora stopped, bent down and twisted her feet a bit to make them look crippled. "Nice touch" i remarked. "Thanks" she replied as we made our way down the street. As Melora used her arm muscles and i used a joystick to hum along we came up to a young couple who seemed quite miffed by the fact we were both in wheelchairs. "Good morning" said Melora to the couple as they darted out of the way with my power chair alone taking up nearly the whole footpath.
"Oh hi" replied the man in the couple. "You two in the same accident?"
"Yeah, it was a mangled car wreck, we are lucky to be alive" replied Melora once again taking great joy in spinning a yarn. The man and woman just looked at her with concerned looks on their faces then gave us a "Hope everything all works out for you" as they headed off back down the footpath to continue their walk. I couldn't help but get a rush over it all, the chance of being caught, the looks on their faces, actually being in the chair and people thinking it was all real almost made it actually feel real.
"I'm sorry i lied to that couple, i hope your not upset with me?" asked Melora conscious of what she did when i met her and my subsequent reaction.
"No it's all good, i got a real thrill then and can see why you did it to me that time, I'm fine with it as long as it's just a random thing like then and not a full blown deceit that continues on and on" i said changing my view to a degree but still with morals intact i thought.
We continued on down the street and it was a marvellously sunny day so there seemed to be a few people out and about, they all looked at us as they passed with the darting eyes wondering what on earth happened to us but not having the gumption to ask. After 35 minutes or so we headed back to Melora's for something to eat and have a chat about how much we just enjoyed that little trip and how exciting it is when there are two of you. As we continued to chat Melora noted i had a bit of jam on my lip from the tarts we were eating and went to remove it, i thought this was a bit strange but then she lunged over further and planted a kiss on me, i was a bit taken aback as i was under the impression we were just friends.

"What was that all about?" i asked after she kissed me and sat back in her chair.
"I like you and really enjoyed today" she enthused.
"Yeah well i like you too but not in a romantic sense. Sorry" i replied feeling bad but i had to be honest.
"Why not? I'm not pretty enough? God I'm so sick of hearing that" Melora said now seeming to get a bit agitated. Even though i had a terrific day i had to admit the fact i wasn't interested romantically was due to her looks a bit, i felt terrible for thinking that way but it was the truth, plus i still considered myself straight too and while my love of paralysis would probably override my sexual natures to some degree i still had to be attracted to the person looks wise and i wasn't with Melora.
"I'm sorry Melora but I'm just not attracted to you enough to want to start anything" i replied trying to let her down as gently as possible, something that didn't work as she leapt off her chair and started to yell in my face about what she thought about me, it's fair to say she wasn't mincing words and i got quite scared by the demonstrative nature of it all. "Look i have got to head off now" i said looking round for the door to make my escape. Just as i made my way there i felt something hit me on the back which turned out to be a book Melora had thrown at me in anger, after that i picked up the pace and dashed out of her house and into my car. What had been a delightful day had now turned into a nightmare and i planted my foot on the gas as Melora continued to hoot and holler at me in the background, i finally got home and was just glad Melora didn't know where i lived because as much as we had in common i never wanted to see her ever again....



Chapter 5
Over the next 5 years i continued to juggle my pretending with my looking after Zarita and a new job i had managed to obtain, it was quite a tough balancing act but one that i enjoyed, i had met up with a couple of other people who had shared my passion but no long term romantic prospects that was for sure, i started to notice over time that i was now looking at the more restrictive levels of paralysis as i felt like while good i was beginning to tire a bit of pretending to be a para or somewhere in that region, it was almost as if my desires were maturing like a fine wine and i was starting to find myself more and more attracted to the world of quadriplegia and all it had to offer.

　
My computer was still going strong and it was now 2002 so the amount of pictures had grown again, i was having regular role plays on the Internet as well as the odd meet up with people, i knew i couldn't afford my own power chair but after doing the sums i thought i might treat myself and rent one for a fortnight as Zarita was due to spend a few days at her grandparents so i would be free to do whatever i liked once i got home from work. I waited with such anticipation as i waited for the chair to get delivered, I'd ordered one that was apparently designed for a low to mid level quad as they were the only ones i could get straight away. While sitting patiently on the couch i suddenly heard the chugging engine of a truck outside, i got quite nervous and i almost couldn't breath i got so anxious over the wonderful times i was sure to have in it. Soon there was a knock on the door. "Saskia Berman"? he asked to which i replied yes. "You ordered a wheelchair from us, The comforter 3000?"
"Yes that's right. Bring it in thank you, just in that corner there will do" i said as i pointed to a corner i had cleared for the chair to sit. The man moved the wheelchair off the truck and placed it in the corner, it looked exactly how i thought it would and i thanked the delivery man, he was quickly on his way but remarked that he would be back in two weeks to pick it up, that presented a minor concern as Zarita would be back in a few days but i would just say i was looking after it for someone at work, as long as my parents didn't see it then it would be all good.

I couldn't wait to hop in the chair again, i pulled out a strap and put it over my legs and tightening it, i wanted to act like a mid level quad say c5 level, my hand would be able to control the wheelchair and i would have good control over my shoulders, i had a thing for wrist splints so i had picked up some before the wheelchair came and placed them on my hands before realising that could be tricky as then how would i drive the wheelchair, i looked over and couldn't believe my eyes when i saw the chair had an added feature that i hadn't counted on, in fact i couldn't believe i had missed it as i saw a sip 'n' puff apparatus strapped onto the back of the wheelchair which obviously you assemble yourself to get in the right position. I unwrapped it and mounted it in the spot allocated, i adjusted it to be at my mouth level then blew in, the wheelchair just took off for about a metre or two before stopping, this was awesome!!

As i continued to master the sipping and the puffing to hilarious results i noticed that this was in fact a different wheelchair to the one i ordered, i looked down and i saw on the side it read "Comforter 4000" I had got the wrong wheelchair! I couldn't believe the mix up but hey i wasn't complaining, the only reason i had ordered the 3000 was because there was no waiting period for that one, the differences were only very subtle but they were there none the less as evidenced by the chair coming with a sip 'n' puff control. It was getting late but i had to test this all out in a bigger space and go for a spin plus it was dark so my neighbours wouldn't be able to identify me hopefully and want to ask questions.

I got myself ready then headed out using the straw to propel the chair while my hands sat in their splints at the end of the arm rests, my legs had been strapped in so they wouldn't move out of position and soon i was off. I headed down the footpath knowing it very well, the chair had only very average suspension so i felt every bump and crack in the footpath which i really enjoyed, as per usual even at night time there was always someone walking their dog or something as i saw a man only metres away doing just that, he looked at me in my wheelchair and even in the dark i saw a bit of pity in his eyes which made me a bit horny, as i looked at him though i forgot i was headed for a steep curb and the wheelchair flipped on it's side turfing me out. The man saw this and came running over to help, i almost made the mistake of moving then i just decided to let him push my wheelchair back over and let him help me back into my chair "Oh your poor thing" he said as he picked me up in a very uncomfortable manner i had to say, i made sure my legs went completely floppy as he placed me back in the wheelchair while continuing to ask me if i was "Ok", I got my bearings back and sat in the wheelchair only trying to fix my position using the functionality of a c5, i looked over and disaster as my straw seemed to be bent, i blew into it and it had now appeared to be broken. The man was observing all of this and asked "Something wrong?"
"Yes the straw used to move my wheelchair is broken, would you kindly wheel me back to my apartment as otherwise i will be stranded here" i said playing up to the situation.
"Sure, whereabouts are you?" he asked
"I'm about half a block away, only 2 kilometres or so" i replied. He stood behind my wheelchair and pushed it home, i had to admit this was an enormous thrill having some mysterious stranger roll me home like i really was paralyzed. As we approached my house though he took a wrong turn. "Umm that was my street just there" i said a little confused as to why he turned.
"I know that's where you told me but we aren't going to your place" he replied in a voice that was now starting to worry me.
"Look take me home now!" i yelled getting more scared by the minute. He then started to get really angry. "Look bitch your mine." he said menacingly then kicked my legs and added "How you going to get away? Your crippled"
As he said this i sprung from my wheelchair giving him the shock of his life, a rage took over me and i decided that while his stupid mouth was still gaping open in shock i would plant one across his face with my still splinted right hand, his dog started going off it's chops barking while i gave his master one with my left hand, as we continued to fight suddenly lights started coming on due to the dog's barking and soon two residents from a nearby house came out to check out what was happening. Upon seeing this the man dashed off with his dog while i hopped back in my wheelchair and using the hand controls drove it home almost not believing what just happened. I got back to my apartment and took a few deep breaths a bit shaken by the whole thing, i wondered how i would have fared if i was really was a c5 and not been able to fight back but then i realised if i was really was one i never would have been out at the time, not without at least a nurse so i shouldn't let tonight put me off in any way over what i love so much. As i looked at the chair I was probably more upset over the bent straw, i would have to paid for the damage to that i was sure and also along the side some paint had been chipped off when it hit the ground, certainly not the night i was hoping for but i had another two weeks with it so i was going to make the most of it regardless...

Pretending Saskia Chapters 6, 7 and 8

Chapter 6
After the drama of the previous night i was a bit apprehensive about driving the wheelchair out around my streets with the prospect of that man living in my area seeing me again and wanting round 2, this made me angry to be honest as i had rented the chair to do a bit of pretending and now i had to worry about some clown attacking me although he didn't put up much of fight the other night so i thought i was probably safe. Armed with that thought i decided to risk it, i hopped in the chair and gently moved to the joystick to the right and out the door of my tiny apartment, as i went down the footpath guiding it with my hand i was a bit annoyed the straw had broken as i had most enjoyed operating it with my mouth albeit it briefly before i crashed, i pushed the chair up to top speed past a wire fence where there wasn't any houses and it felt great with the wind in my hair tearing away at the majestical speed of 6 km a hour.There weren't many people around today so after i got my fix i headed home to my apartment, once i got there though i noticed a man looking at me, i was quite apprehensive over this after what happened the other night so i rushed inside kind of half jumping out of the wheelchair to get in a bit quicker which i was sure he saw, once inside i took a deep breath. Then i got a knock on the door.....

I stood there out of my wheelchair and froze, who was at the door? It had to be the guy as i didn't see anyone else, but what does he want? to call me a fraud, a faker? I decided to wait and just see if he would take the hint by me not answering and walk off, that didn't seem to work as he knocked on the door again, there wasn't much malice in his knocks just a normal amount of force so maybe he wasn't angry. Against my better judgement i decided to open the door standing up.
"Hi I'm Alan" he said looking nearly as nervous as me which i was hoping wasn't just an act to gain my trust then give me trouble. "I can't believe I'm doing this but i couldn't get over how you looked in that wheelchair. And then i guess it was similar disbelief when i saw you jump out of it" he remarked.
I looked at him and thought he was attractive in his own unique way but i still wasn't sure if he was for or against what i was up to. "So why are you at my door telling me this" i asked curious to get an answer.
"Well obviously you caught my eye in that wheelchair, if you were just walking down the street i probably wouldn't have even brought my head up to look" he said in probably the wrong way.
"So your only interested in the wheelchair then" i quizzed now more confused.
"As you stand now you are a very attractive woman but i just meant you were complete perfection when i saw you in the wheelchair as I'm a devotee" he replied. I decided to invite him in as he appeared harmless. He took up a spot on the couch and we talked into the night about our wants and desires when it came to paralysis, Alan told me he liked the higher levels of paralysis which i was starting to come around to my self although i wasn't sure i wanted any higher than a c5. "So your open to it happening?" asked Alan when i mentioned this. I was open to the fantasy of it but the reality was a different question and how on earth i would support Zarita and I if i ever did become paralyzed beyond a c5 let alone worse.


The next day Alan and i arranged to meet up the next day after enjoying each other's company so much, i pulled my hair back which was still dark blonde into a ponytail and applied a bit of mascara then foundation wanting to look good for seeing Alan again, i put on a nice lime green dress which showed off a bit of cleavage which was rare for me as i was normally quite reserved and timid when it came to showing a bit of skin, my legs were on show to an extent with the dress going down near my knees, i put on a pair of platform sandals and headed off to the cafe that we had arranged. As i got there Alan was already waiting outside and opened the door for me as i manoeuvred my wheelchair through to a vacant corner of the cafe.
"I'm so glad you came in your chair, you just look utterly devine" gushed Alan
"Thanks, I'm glad i came in the wheelchair too!!"
"What would you like to drink"?
"I'll have a caffe latte thanks"
Alan took off to get the drinks while i had a look around the cafe and noticed one person looking at me but apart from that people seemed to be just doing their own thing. After a few minutes Alan came back with the drinks, once again we just started to chat about anything and everything, as much as it was important for any potential partner to share my love of paralysis it couldn't be the only thing we had in common otherwise it just wouldn't work, gladly i didn't seem to have that problem with Alan who was quickly starting to grow on me.


After my second date with Alan i was starting to think this could be it, the one, i knew it was really early and after my previous relationship debacles i knew i probably shouldn't be getting this excited over someone but i couldn't help it. Zarita was due back from her grandparents' place today and i had to figure out where to hide the wheelchair so they wouldn't see it when they dropped her off, once again Alan came to the fore and told me he would hold onto it while i waited for them to go, it was still a little early to introduce Alan to Zarita so i would just get him to deliver the wheelchair back when Zarita had gone to bed then deal with any questions she might have the next day. Once the clock struck 10pm and Zarita was tucked up in bed Alan discreetly knocked on my door and dropped it off, he told me that he had fixed the straw component to the wheelchair which made me very happy and i thought this earned a kiss so we had a sweet embrace before he left, oh he was a wonderful man i thought to myself.


The next morning i woke up and headed into the kitchen still thinking of Alan who i had been having sweet dreams of all night, it sounds so lame but he almost made me giddy, Zarita still wasn't up so i went over and sat in the wheelchair, i was so glad the sip 'n' puff part was fixed and i would be able to practice with my mouth again, i decided i couldn't wait and turned it on doing a quick turn or two which was a bit tough in my small apartment but still possible, as i went to go around in a circle though i just lost control and i slammed into a wall making a bit of an indentation which wasn't very good, the noise of it all woke up Zarita too.
"Mum what are you doing? she asked while still rubbing her eyes sleepily. "And why is a wheelchair in the middle of the room?
"Umm a friend just asked me to look after it for a week or two then it will be gone" i said hoping Zarita wouldn't tell my parents. I could have just housed it at Alan's place the whole two weeks but just in case things went sour there i thought it best to keep it here as i was sure Zarita probably wouldn't even notice.
"Up for some breakfast?" i smiled changing the subject.
"Yeah sounds good mum I'm starving" replied my daughter. I fixed her a bit of muesli which she quickly put away and then she was off to school while i headed to work. I never realised how long a work day can be when you know you have better things on when you get home, i was hanging to get in the chair again and tear around the block with the mouth control fixed, i wasn't too sure about going out at night though and that's when i would be free most likely unless Zarita asked to go over to one of her friend's places which luckily enough ended up happening, she would be gone for two hours so once again i graced the streets with my pretty pink contraption, as i tore around the block i was having the absolute time of my life and never wanted to go back to my apartment, i quickly found that time was my enemy though and i must head back as Zarita was due back soon.
　

As luck would have it i got back just minutes before Zarita arrived home from her friend Veronica's place, a close shave i thought. Not long after Zarita came home she told me she was completely zonked and headed to bed. After a few hours passed of just surfing the net i decided to hop into the wheelchair again and manipulated the straw up to my computer and sat there, Alan and i had been talking a bit lately about high quads such as c2,3 etc and as i looked at the keyboard i wanted to imagine i was one of them but how? As i sat there i knew a c3 would have no control of their arms so i decided i could only move my head, but how would i type anything in the computer? I had briefly heard about systems that allowed quads to use their computers by voice or other means but i didn't have the money for those programs. It was still only 2002 and they weren't as good as they are today either, i looked around and don't laugh but i saw a chopstick lying over on the bench and thought that would make a great mouth stick as i didn't have a proper one. I took the chopstick between my teeth and poked the keys on the board for what i wanted, it took a while and was a tedious process but the thought of being so immobile that i could just use my head to do things was actually making me quite wet, that night it was fair to say i had a bit of a play....


The next morning i got up early so i could once again fit in an hour in the chair before Zarita rose, it was the weekend so neither of us had anything on and it was a bit of a surprise when i saw Zarita up early.
"Morning my little sweetie" i said trying to act normal while sitting in the chair. I had told her earlier that i would probably be using it as a normal chair due to the size of the apartment and not wanting to clog it up with too many chairs used for just sitting on.
"Morning mum. Can i have a go on that?" she asked. I thought she meant the computer so i said sure no worries and moved the wheelchair out of the way.
"No i want to have a go in the wheelchair"
"Oh umm yeah ok, sorry i thought you meant the computer" i replied a bit shocked. Zarita ran over and jumped in the wheelchair, my heart started thumping as i thought maybe my daughter was fascinated by wheelchairs too, it was when i was nearing 9 that i knew my mum's friend Kayla which really cemented my love of paralysis, Zarita started to play around with the joystick causing the wheelchair to jerk around. "Be careful" i cried worried there would end up being another hole in the wall like the one i had caused the other day which i knew wouldn't please the landlord. As Zarita mucked around in the wheelchair i didn't know if i should be happy or not over a possible liking of all this, it could be tough having all of this as your fantasy sometimes with most people not understanding it or not even wanting to try and understand it.
"Honey can i ask you something?" i said intending to get a guide on whether this was just a simple joyride or something more.
"Yeah sure mum, this wheelchair is awesome" she gestured as she spun around again in it.
"Do you have an attraction to this kind of thing" i asked
"What do you mean mum?" she replied a bit puzzled.
"I mean do you find yourself drawn to wheelchairs and people who are paralyzed?"
"Huh? Your weird mum" she smiled as she continued to fiddle with it. I stood there and kind of breathed a sigh of relief, while i couldn't stop my love of paralysis nor did i want to i wanted my daughter to have a normal life for no other way of life..






Chapter 7
Soon enough a week had passed since i had rented the wheelchair and Alan loved nothing more seeing me in it, Zarita had been shipped off to a sleepover so once again i hopped in the wheelchair for another night of heaven with Alan by my side, this night he had the foresight to bring over another strap and placed it over my chest to now go with the one i had been putting over my legs, i was now the functionality of a c3-4 still able to wiggle my shoulders but "paralyzed" from the shoulders down. Alan was the perfect carer and was very attentive always bringing me a drink when i wanted one, with a straw of course that he always made sure found my mouth. For a brief period we even went over to the computer as Alan had also brought over a mouth stick for me, he sat there in complete adoration as i poked the keys with the mouth stick my head bobbing up and down like a peacock. I couldn't believe i had only known Alan for a week but it felt like a year, we just got along so well and the passion i felt for him was just so extreme, every time we kissed it was just electric and i was so glad that he would be staying the night.

After many hours of pretending we decided to head to bed, even though i hadn't used any part of my body i found i was strangely exhausted as i popped into my purple and pink striped long pyjamas. As i snuggled under the covers with Alan we once again kissed and began to fondle each other, soon my pyjama pants where pulled down enough so Alan could insert his penis into me, it felt so good as the images of the night and me in the wheelchair with Alan watching started to flood through my mind, i moaned as he started to thrust harder and harder, i wanted him to talk 'dirty' pretender style so as Alan was pounding me he started to say "Saskia is a quadriplegic, you can't move, you have a c3 injury and your crippled from the neck down". As soon as he started saying those words it just got me so wild with excitement, closing my eyes just imagining it all before i started to come. "I'm coming" i yelled in euphoria, this was met with groaning from Alan clearly enjoying himself too as i felt him getting even more rigid and harder inside me like he was ready to burst, as i reached the pinnacle of my orgasm the feeling was just intoxicating and was only further enhanced as Alan declared he was coming too, we were moaning and groaning over what was the most intense and heart pumping sex we had both ever had in our lives, we continued on for many more frenzied moments before we both came down, i was nearly out of breath and was panting harder than someone who had just run a marathon, Alan wasn't much better as he laid on the other side of the bed in a lather of sweat after what we had just achieved. We barely even had the energy to look at each other but when we did we just smiled at each other, what we just experienced was unparallelled and there was only more to come.


Over the ensuing days i couldn't wait to be in the arms of Alan again, at any opportunity i could get really as this proved tricky having Zarita almost every night but as i set forth to give my rented wheelchair back i thought maybe it was time they met, time my lover Alan met my daughter as i felt he was going to be around for a while. As Zarita and i sat on the couch watching a program one night i decided to canvas the idea of me dating to her.
"Whatever makes you happy mum" she replied. I couldn't believe her response and marvelled in what a wonderful daughter i had but i had to make sure it was ok.
"Well i know you have said that but i want you to be sure sweetheart. Would you mind if i invited a man over tomorrow night for dinner?"
"Yeah that's ok" she replied which i was truly over the moon about. I rang Alan and told him that i expect him at my place 7pm tomorrow night to which he agreed.

The next night arrived and i had to say i was a bit nervous, Zarita looked a bit apprehensive too as the doorbell rang. Naturally enough it was Alan and he came bearing gifts with a bottle of wine for us to polish off when we saw fit. Alan moved into what would have been classed as the dining room and gave a warm hello to my daughter Zarita who replied with an smile, I was cooking tonight which wasn't really like me but i thought who could stuff up a roast and placed the meal down in front of them. As we all tucked in i noticed the meat was a bit tough which was a shame but everyone seemed to be enjoying it ok so all good. "So how is school going Zarita?" asked Alan in an attempt to engage in conversation with my daughter. "Yeah it's pretty good thanks" she politely responded, i know it wasn't much but the fact she was being so polite meant the world to me. "Zarita won the maths competition the other day, she got 98/100" i gloated to Alan. "Wow we may have a superstar on our hands" replied Alan which made Zarita giggle and feeling special, it was very important Alan got along with Zarita and at the moment everything was going well. We all finished our roast before Zarita excused herself to watch a bit of tv.

"You were really good with her tonight, i didn't think i could like you anymore than i already did but after tonight i do, your simply amazing Alan Parkton" i gushed as i leant in for a kiss with my man. As we embraced Zarita gave us a "wooooo lovers" which made us feel a little embarrassed but we didn't care, we were in love.
The time came to give the wheelchair back sadly but it was an awesome fortnight in it, no sooner had it gone though that Alan told me he had surprise at his place, i couldn't wait to see what it was and it didn't disappoint as he brought in a wheelchair fit for a high level quad, i marvelled at the way it looked and knew more fun times were definitely going to be had in this baby. I took it for a spin straight away around Alan's place which was much larger than mine, in fact Alan looked like he did quite well for himself but i wasn't interested in his money just his love and unwavering support with my passion. As i span around the house again in the wheelchair it suddenly dawned on me i had never asked what Alan did for work, it had been such a whirlwind courtship and i had never stopped to ask, we were normally pretending or talking about how our respective sporting teams were going to worry about our jobs it seemed.I decided to ask. "Alan what do you do for work?"
"What made you think of that?" he replied
"I just realised I'd never asked"
"Well all you need to know is that I'm in a job where i make dreams come true" he mentioned cryptically before heading off to make a drink. I sat there in the wheelchair wondering what on earth that meant but i just assumed it was good and didn't bother to bring it up with him again.
2 years passed with Alan and our passion hadn't subsided one little bit, we were blissfully in love and he was simply amazing with Zarita who now felt like she had the dad she always wanted. Alan and I continued to pretend with the sessions of me being in the wheelchair getting longer and longer when time permitted of course, Alan was also encouraging higher levels of paralysis which i had to admit were now interesting me even more now that i had a strong man to take care of me. Zarita had caught me once or twice again in the wheelchair but she was a kid that liked to go with the flow so me being in the chair didn't seem to make her want to drill me with questions. One day while strapped down in my wheelchair and practising with the mouth stick Alan asked me to turn around, obviously i was "paralyzed" so i had to turn the whole wheelchair around, as i did this i got the shock of my life when Alan went down on one knee with a little felt box in his hand.
"Saskia Berman you are the most exquisite and wonderful woman any man could ever wish to meet, will you marry me?"
"Yes of course, GOD YES!!" i declared. My eyes started to well up, i didn't believe i could be this happy as Alan slipped the ring on my finger. The wedding was set for two months time and i couldn't wait. I realised that there was so much to organise though with the dress and the minister not to mention the flowers or the reception, everything took time but true to form Alan hired someone named Charlotte to help me out with everything and make it the memorable day we both wanted. As the day of the wedding drew near I had a very important decision to make, it would be quite a shock to everyone involved but I decided that it had to be done this way as I wanted no regrets as we looked back on our day of days. I first told Alan who i knew would be all for it then i asked Zarita if she would mind and she said "If that's what you want then go for it mum" which made me very happy.


The day of the wedding arrived and i was so unbelievably nervous it wasn't funny, i had my dress fitted and prepared to go out in front of all the 50 guests or so who were mostly Alan's friends and family but a few of mine too including my dad who was waiting to take me down the aisle. I hopped into my wheelchair which i had hidden in back room and with the help of Charlotte she fitted the straps over my arms and chest along with one across my legs, I even decided on some leg splints to go with my wrist ones to complete the look. I had one last look in the mirror before i went out and couldn't believe how good it all looked, Charlotte moved the straw over so i could get purchase of it with my mouth and i headed out into the main area of the church. This was going to be interesting...
　
Chapter 8
The wheelchair made a slight whirring sound as i moved over to my dad, as soon as he saw me in the wheelchair his jaw just dropped not knowing this was my plan, his reaction was followed by the collective dropping of about 50 other jaws once they saw me too with only Alan, Zarita and I knowing what we had planned. The whole church was almost in a stunned silence apart from a couple of people whispering over what on earth was going on, this is what i wanted though, to be married as a high level quadriplegic. As i moved up to my dad he discreetly tried to berate me. "What the hell are you playing at Saskia? This is absolutely ridiculous get out of that wheelchair now!"
"Dad this is what i want, i have been attracted to paralysis all my life and i know you and mum just wanted this love i have to just disappear into thin air but it's just not possible. I'm 30 years old and i don't need your permission for anything" i said returning fire. If everyone wasn't already looking at me they really were now, as my father and I argued my mum came over to join in.
"I can't believe this Saskia,after all these years we thought you had gotten over this sick fascination but now you choose your wedding day to reveal it all again? Your unbelievable"
"Look mum i love you and all but as i told dad, this is what i want. If you can't handle it then leave" i told mum in no uncertain terms. My parents looked at each other with pained expressions on their faces not believing what was transpiring before their eyes. "Head back to your seat mum and let's just continue, no-one is changing my mind" i added. My mother gave me a look of disapproval then went and sat back down but she wasn't happy.
"Dad can you grab my hand and lead me down the aisle?" i asked.
"Are you serious?" he gestured still in disbelief at the situation.
"Please dad. For me, it's my wedding day"
"Oh god i can't believe this" he replied.
"You will have to undo the strap of my arm there" i told him while he just sighed. He unstrapped my arm then saw the splint on my hand. "What the hell is this?" he asked incredulously.
"That's a hand splint dad, please just pick it up as i have no movement below my neck"
"Don't be stupid you can move whatever you want" he replied kind of ruining it but after i gave him a look he picked up my splinted hand and while driving the wheelchair with my mouth down the aisle he walked along side holding it. As i moved down the aisle i kept up the pretencion of being a high level quad and only looking out of the corner of my eye at all the people who like my parents were still in disbelief over this all, at the end of the aisle stood my man, he looked so dapper in his suit and straight away it brought a smile to my face. Alan stood there with immense pride as i got to the minister who was looking at me strangely like everyone else, Alan and i didn't care though as i worked the wheelchair to face him. "You look incredible" he whispered in my ear. "Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself" i replied now giddy with excitement over what we were about to achieve.

"Family and friends, ladies and gentlemen we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of these two.. umm quite different people, Alan Parkton and Saskia Berman. It is pretty clear that they love each other very much and that is why they have come forward today to make this official and be wedded in holy matrimony" chanted the minister, he spoke quite well and i started to almost tear up i was so gloriously happy. I could still hear some whispers from people still unable to comprehend not only my appearance but the desire that i felt to be paralyzed, and to announce it to all and sundry pretty much on any girl's important day of their lives. Announcing it today was quite practical though as we virtually told everyone in one hit. After the minister finished we both said our vows to one another and the time came to put the rings on each other's fingers, i "couldn't move" so Alan unwrapped the splint on my hand and applied my ring before taking my arm and cocking my fingers so that i could put the ring on his finger using my hand.
"I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss your bride" declared the minister. Alan didn't need to be asked twice to kiss me and planted one fair and square on my awaiting lips, i almost felt an electric charge as we embraced and while some people had their misgivings we were loudly clapped in congratulations. I once again took hold of the straw and zoomed out of the church with my new husband to an awaiting van outside, if people weren't surprised by my appearance then they were sure as hell surprised when they watched me manoeuvre my wheelchair up the ramp into the van aided by my helper Charlotte while my new husband admired me from the front seat waiting to take off. Charlotte was ready to head off with her job done when she told me to enjoy my honeymoon to which i replied "Plan to". Alan started up the van and we took off to spend a week in the country with me playing the role of a high level quadriplegic for every one of the glorious 7 days we had free on our honeymoon.


After a 90 minute van trip we arrived at our country retreat, it looked like heaven on earth and a place where we could really enjoy ourselves. We had a self contained unit so we didn't have to worry about anyone else after we checked in, the woman at reception didn't come out of her seat from behind her desk but looked to give me the "poor girl" look which i really enjoyed, a bit of alone time with Alan was going to be the tonic i needed and wanted. Within the unit disability was no problem with ramps on offer and a wheel in shower. "This place is amazing Alan" i claimed as i made my way in.
"Yeah i heard about this place from someone on the dev forums, they took their own wife here" he replied.
"God this is going to be good" i enthused as i continued to check out the unit, all the doorways were so wide and i couldn't believe that these sorts of places existed as there couldn't be too many disabled people staying and economically speaking it wouldn't be a success.
"Alan sweetie could you move the phone over so i can ring my daughter to see she is ok" i asked. She was staying with my parents for the week who i was sure would have a lot to say after what happened at the wedding. Alan moved over the phone and put the mouth stick in my mouth and i poked the number.
"Hi mum" Zarita gleefully answered.
"Hi sweetie. How are you doing?"
"I'm good, nan and pop are talking about you"
"Yeah i thought they might. Don't worry about what they say you will always be no.1 to me" i replied.
"I think what you like is cool so all good" enthused my daughter back
After that comment i once again started to think maybe my daughter had similar tendencies, but unlike my parents i was just going to let her figure it out for herself and if she wants to come to me and tell me she can.
"Ok my little munchkin i just called to check on you so i'll let you go now"
"Ok mum have fun playing paralyzed" she said as she hung up. I voiced my thoughts to Alan who mentioned he had heard Zarita talk about it once to him, just like i thought though he told me that if it becomes an issue he was sure that she would confide in me before telling the broader public who don't normally accept this kind of thing with open arms normally.

After a wonderful first night with Alan the next day we decided to go for a "walk" around the surrounds, Alan picked me up and put me in my chair with a winch or lift the only thing not seemingly on offer here, i really loved just letting my body go completely limp as he adjusted my body and all of my straps. Soon we were ready to go out, i rolled down the ramp out onto the bush footpath, the country air felt so good against my face, as i jostled further with my straw i noticed in the distance a woman who seemed to doing similar. "Alan look there's another quadriplegic woman can you believe it?" i cried.
"Well yes i can believe it actually" he replied which puzzled me greatly.
"Huh? You expect quad women at every resort you go to?" i questioned smelling something was up.
"Well this one yes" he replied. Just as he said this the girl at reception also went past saying hello, she was in a wheelchair too! Only what appeared to be paraplegia though, now i knew why she never came out from behind the desk.
"Alan what is this place???" i asked flabbergasted by what was going on.
"This is where i work. It's a resort for people who want to be paralyzed and recover away from the prying eyes of hospitals or the authorities who like to meddle in this kind of thing" he replied
"So you didn't hear about it on a dev forum then?"
"No. I'm sorry i lied, i just wanted you to enjoy it with no pre-conceived thoughts about it before i told you" said Alan
"Well i 'm not happy about you being deceptive but i catch your drift i guess. Not sure what you were worried about though this place is nirvana!" i exclaimed
"Well when i said it was a place for people to be paralyzed i meant actually be paralyzed by surgeons while here not pretending, most people around at the moment aren't paralyzed but they are trying to make up their minds while here" Alan explained. He had given me a lot to think about, i was 30 years old and not getting any younger, i had thoroughly enjoyed the time i spent paralyzed the past day and all the other times with Alan but i still worried about Zarita, she was still only 11 years old and i felt it was irresponsible to put my own selfish needs ahead of hers.
"Look, by her own admission Zarita thinks all of this is 'cool' so I'm sure she will be ok, she is past the age where you need to be mobile and play dolls or anything else with her" Alan told me trying to convince me. "You could be a quadriplegic by tonight" he added. A fully fledged quadriplegic? Gee that would be something i thought.
"Sounds good but i will make my decision at the end of the week" i answered to which Alan accepted. This retreat would be great i said to myself..