Chapter 3
Over the course of the next couple of weeks i started to look for a job, i had done accountancy at university as i was good with numbers but i didn't really get good grades plus no-one seemed to want to hire me once they found out i had to work flexible hours due to being a mother. After another failed interview i decided to grab a coffee and just relax for a bit before i headed home, as i was enjoying my cafe latte though a cute guy looked over and smiled at me, i was quite a shy girl so i kind of just looked at him with a blank expression not sure what to do, after James i hadn't dated in years so i was out of touch with what the "signals" were. After a minute or two i nervously looked over again and he was gone, i turned my back to finish off the rest of my coffee when a voice from my side startled me causing me to spill my drink all over myself.
"Oh I'm so sorry" said the man. I looked up and it was the cute guy who had smiled at me. "I just wanted to say hello, oh i feel so bad" he added while passing me a napkin.
"That's ok" i replied. I just felt like i now looked a mess with the floral dress i had on looking like it had a big brown puddle on it due to the presence of the coffee now starting to seep through more and more. After dabbing 2 or 3 napkins on it trying to get the moisture out i just decided to give up.
"Once again i 'm really sorry, here let me give you money for dry cleaning or to buy another dress" he said very apologetically trying to hand me some money.
"Don't worry about it, all good" i replied not wanting to make a big deal out of it.
"Well if i can't pay for the dress then at least let me buy you dinner" he asked surprising me. "I'm Grant by the way"
"Hi I'm Saskia, and yeah i guess we can do dinner" i replied. We arranged a date and soon enough it came around, it was a good night with Grant and i deciding after it that we wanted to start dating. The next two months with Grant were terrific, he treated my daughter as if she was his own and i felt like a princess as he was always buying me gifts and flowers, to be honest i never thought i would really have such strong feelings for anyone, i was a bit of a loner and knew due to what i liked i would be lucky to find someone. I had to say that Grant fitted the bill on so many levels but there was just one thing i had never brought up with him, my love for paralysis, if he passed that test and either liked it himself or at least was willing to role play occasionally then i think he could be it.
One Saturday night while Zarita was at her grandparents' place Grant and I were tucked up in bed and i decided tonight would be the night i slip it into conversation.
"When i was out today i saw a woman in a wheelchair and it reminded me of a woman my mum used to be friends with, her name was Kayla, she broke her spine after diving into a pool and was left a c5 quadriplegic" i threw out there waiting for a response.
"God that would suck. I bet she was really pissed off about it, i know i would be" replied Grant which wasn't really the response i wanted but i had to continue on to find out more about his views.
"Yeah i guess it would take some adjusting but she seemed ok about it all. I thought her wheelchair was pretty cool to be honest"
"I suppose hooning round in the wheelchair would be fun.... for like 5 minutes, then it would be such a drag, i know i wouldn't want it to happen to me and i don't think i could date someone in a wheelchair" he said with such a certainty that i knew couldn't be reversed. My heart dropped upon hearing this comment but worse was to come.
"Why on earth are we talking about this anyway?" he questioned
"Well I'm kind of into all of that, like paralysis i mean" i replied knowing now this conversation was doomed.
"What so you want to be paralyzed yourself or you want the other person to be?" he asked now in a tone of disdain mixed with ridicule.
"Well both really. Although i prefer to be the one pretending to be paralyzed" i fired back annoyed.
"Hahaha your a classic Saskia, who on earth would want to be paralyzed? I never realised how much of a freak you are" said Grant now laughing his head off and starting to chastise me for what i liked. I'd heard enough.
"Look you prick just get out" i yelled.
"What? Are you serious? Just because i don't like your sick little paralysis fetish thing your kicking me out?" he said not realising how much he had incensed me with his attitude to something that meant so much to me. He just continued to look at me with this dumb expression so i gave it to him both barrels.
"It's not a little paralysis fetish thing it's a lot more than that. Look I've had you so just get the fuck out of my place.....NOW!!!!" i yelled loudly with the sound of my voice even surprising me. Grant seemed a bit shocked and picked up his stuff and left but not before mumbling "crazy bitch" before he left. I couldn't believe how bad the night went, if he didn't like it all then fine but to laugh at it and treat me that way was just wrong and i wasn't going to cop that from someone, particularly someone who apparently "loved me". The next day he rang me thinking it was just a fight and that we were still ok but for me it was like the glass ceiling had shattered and it couldn't be repaired, i told Grant that the previous night was the last time he would ever see me which he wasn't very happy about and he said a few choice words to me before i hung up. I just sat there and started to have a bit of a cry to myself, i was just so utterly disappointed over it all, i thought i had met someone i could share my life with but it wasn't to be..
After my second false start when it came to men and having a relationship i started to work it so that i could find out more and more about other people who shared my love of paralysis by way of the Internet, i still wasn't too crash hot on them but luckily a computer with the Internet paid up for the next 12 months was just one of Grant's gifts when he was trying to win me over, at least he ended up good for something! This meant as soon as Zarita was put to bed i could look away to my heart's content, something i may have taken too literal as sometimes i got so involved in it all that i no sooner seemed to put Zarita to bed that she seemed to be up again and wanting breakfast, I'd spend the rest of the day almost like a zombie having had no sleep but that didn't stop me once again pulling up my chair to the computer again the next night.
After a month of exploration i was starting to get a handle on more sites and had exchanged messages with people who seemed to share my thoughts and desires. I found out that in the paralysis community i would be classed as a pretender rather than a wannabe as at this stage i wasn't actively trying to paralyze myself like a wannabe might although i had to admit that it wasn't too far from my mind, maybe they were just dreams with no substance though i still wasn't 100% sure, i probably had some devotee tendencies early on but i think it was more that i admire others in wheelchairs because i want to be like that rather than being turned on by them being in the wheelchair as such like a devotee would. One night while burning the midnight oil i was almost ready to fall asleep when i got an email from a woman, her user name read "highovawheels", she mentioned she was a devotee and if i was interested would love to meet up sometime, i knew it was a bit risky to meet someone you didn't know but after a quick chat thought what the hell and arranged a time to meet up at a local shopping mall. I waited patiently for her to come when a man came up to me. "Saskia? I'm highovawheels" he said. I just looked at him in shock having expected a woman.
"Your a man!" i remarked.
"I know, I'm sorry i lied but i had messaged you earlier and you never responded so i changed my username and sex and sent another message" he told me trying to justify his deceit.
"Yeah but you lied. I can't speak to someone who can't be honest with me" i replied. "I'm sorry but i have to go now" i added as i walked off. After that day he tried to contact me a few more times using different usernames and addresses and i almost fell for it once but then i realised yet again it was him, i quickly started to learn that even apart from highovawheels there were a lot of fakers on the internet and not everyone was what they seemed. After many false starts i eventually started talking to a user by the name of "Cutiepiegrl" she told me she was 33 which was more than 11 years older than me but i guessed it was all ok if we just wanted to be friends, she sent me a picture and i hated to say it but i wasn't sure where she got the cutiepie reference in her name from as she wasn't a very attractive woman. One thing i knew at least though was that she seemed to be on the level as people often sent attractive pictures to me saying it was them when it really wasn't. After chatting for a while we decided to meet up and i couldn't wait....
Chapter 4
Before meeting up cutiepiegirl had told me her real name was Melora so i sat at the cafe she had picked and waited for her arrival, while i sat there a woman came in that matched her description but she was in a wheelchair, she looked over and seemed to recognise me from my pic and rolled over. "Saskia?" she enquired. I just sat there with my mouth open but the words wouldn't come out, i couldn't believe she was in a wheelchair, she never told me that! I finally gathered my bearings and let out a "Yes I'm Saskia" to which she smiled, i didn't know if it was the wheelchair or not but she looked a lot better in person i had to say.
"So glad to finally meet you. Your a gorgeous woman" remarked Melora while putting on the brake to her wheelchair.
"Well good to meet you too" i replied still astonished by what was in front of me.
"I bet your wondering how i got in this wheelchair aren't you?" smiled Melora.
"Well yes!! Of course, you made no mention of it when we talked. I have to say it's a pleasant surprise though" i enthused.
"You see about 2 years ago i was mopping a floor when i lost track of where the bucket of water was and stepped back into it causing the bucket to slide and then me to slip quite severely on my back leaving me the way you see today" explained Melora. Upon hearing this i imagined myself being on the floor in that predicament and all the emotions running through my mind, god it would truly be an experience.
"So what level are you? I'm guessing around t5?" i replied.
"Close! I'm a t4, it's heaven I've got to tell you"
"I'm sure it is" i replied jealous at what she had although i had to admit some of the higher levels of paralysis were starting to catch my eye the more i got into it. We talked for a couple of hours before she told me that she had to head off for therapy which really made me go crazy. That night i pulled off my clothes and ravaged my own body imagining that it was me surprising someone with my paralysis and them eagerly asking questions while i sat in my chair happier and higher than a kite over life. it filled me with such joy to know that someone was living their dream as i hadn't actually met someone before in that sense other than talking over the Internet.
The next day i went out to do a bit of shopping, as i went to grab some bread though i saw a familiar face, it was Melora but she was walking! I charged up to her. "I thought you were paralyzed for real but your just another big fat liar!!" i screamed at her.
"Oh my god Saskia, what are you doing here?" she replied startled to see me.
"Don't worry about what I'm dong here i want to know why you lied to me" i said quite angry.
"Well I'm sorry but i just love to pretend and that insane rush you get when you shock that person by appearing in a wheelchair for the first time, coming up with a fake injury and all the eagerness and excitement in the other person's eyes having no idea it's not real. You can't buy that" she gushed. I was so mad at her but i guess even though she lied she had a point as i myself had imagined doing it just the previous night while pleasuring myself, sure i imagined it for real and not part of some trick but i saw her point.
"I know your a bit filthy on me for lying but i hope we can still be friends?" asked Melora. I reluctantly accepted, i felt like a little bit of a hypocrite after not staying friends with that other fraud but i decided maybe i just needed to relax and just go with the flow a bit more, at the end of the day we all liked the same thing and that was paralysis so we should all help each other out to live our dreams and fantasies.
That night i was online again and Melora contacted me, she apologised again for leading me astray but mentioned that if i was up for some pretending that i should come over tomorrow at 10 am, at first i said no as i had Zarita to look after but i managed to get a babysitter who agreed to work for half price so i told Melora to expect me there at 10 the next day, I decided to go to bed but couldn't sleep so excited that i could be once again tearing around the streets in a wheelchair.
The next morning i couldn't wait for the sitter to come and look after Zarita, i loved my daughter but i needed some "me time" and do what i want so off to Melora's i headed. Once i got there i knocked on the door and Melora answered, she was sitting once again in a manual wheelchair which i thought really suited her. "So do i get a shot at that today?" i asked.
Melora looked at me then said "I have got something maybe a little more exciting for you, look over in the corner of the living room"
I looked over in the corner and there was a shiny new black power chair, the sun was shining on it and it looked like a vision from above, i dashed over and mounted this glorious conveyance,it had an ergonomic design with a charcoal grey van seat and adjustable arms, it also had 6 wheels on it which Melora told me were for increased stability along with contoured shrouds which were a deep blue colour. "This is the most majestic thing i have seen in a long time" i cried as i grasped the joystick in my mind and moved the chair forward and back and to the left a bit confined by the room's dimensions.
"How on earth did you get a hold of this?" i asked while continuing to fiddle around in the wheelchair.
"I have a friend who works for the power chair company and at the moment they seemed to have a few too many in stock so he told me i could lend this one for a little bit as no-one will miss it for a while. You should count yourself lucky that wheelchair is the most advanced one around for this time"
"Why don't you want to drive this instead of the manual?" i asked not believing anyone would not want to drive this beast of a chair.
"I prefer to use my arms, it feels more authentic that way" she replied. "Should we head out?"
"Oh yeah definitely, I can't wait to get this out and about!" i cried with excitement. We headed out the door and Melora gestured which way to go. Just as we went to hit the footpath though Melora stopped, bent down and twisted her feet a bit to make them look crippled. "Nice touch" i remarked. "Thanks" she replied as we made our way down the street. As Melora used her arm muscles and i used a joystick to hum along we came up to a young couple who seemed quite miffed by the fact we were both in wheelchairs. "Good morning" said Melora to the couple as they darted out of the way with my power chair alone taking up nearly the whole footpath.
"Oh hi" replied the man in the couple. "You two in the same accident?"
"Yeah, it was a mangled car wreck, we are lucky to be alive" replied Melora once again taking great joy in spinning a yarn. The man and woman just looked at her with concerned looks on their faces then gave us a "Hope everything all works out for you" as they headed off back down the footpath to continue their walk. I couldn't help but get a rush over it all, the chance of being caught, the looks on their faces, actually being in the chair and people thinking it was all real almost made it actually feel real.
"I'm sorry i lied to that couple, i hope your not upset with me?" asked Melora conscious of what she did when i met her and my subsequent reaction.
"No it's all good, i got a real thrill then and can see why you did it to me that time, I'm fine with it as long as it's just a random thing like then and not a full blown deceit that continues on and on" i said changing my view to a degree but still with morals intact i thought.
We continued on down the street and it was a marvellously sunny day so there seemed to be a few people out and about, they all looked at us as they passed with the darting eyes wondering what on earth happened to us but not having the gumption to ask. After 35 minutes or so we headed back to Melora's for something to eat and have a chat about how much we just enjoyed that little trip and how exciting it is when there are two of you. As we continued to chat Melora noted i had a bit of jam on my lip from the tarts we were eating and went to remove it, i thought this was a bit strange but then she lunged over further and planted a kiss on me, i was a bit taken aback as i was under the impression we were just friends.
"What was that all about?" i asked after she kissed me and sat back in her chair.
"I like you and really enjoyed today" she enthused.
"Yeah well i like you too but not in a romantic sense. Sorry" i replied feeling bad but i had to be honest.
"Why not? I'm not pretty enough? God I'm so sick of hearing that" Melora said now seeming to get a bit agitated. Even though i had a terrific day i had to admit the fact i wasn't interested romantically was due to her looks a bit, i felt terrible for thinking that way but it was the truth, plus i still considered myself straight too and while my love of paralysis would probably override my sexual natures to some degree i still had to be attracted to the person looks wise and i wasn't with Melora.
"I'm sorry Melora but I'm just not attracted to you enough to want to start anything" i replied trying to let her down as gently as possible, something that didn't work as she leapt off her chair and started to yell in my face about what she thought about me, it's fair to say she wasn't mincing words and i got quite scared by the demonstrative nature of it all. "Look i have got to head off now" i said looking round for the door to make my escape. Just as i made my way there i felt something hit me on the back which turned out to be a book Melora had thrown at me in anger, after that i picked up the pace and dashed out of her house and into my car. What had been a delightful day had now turned into a nightmare and i planted my foot on the gas as Melora continued to hoot and holler at me in the background, i finally got home and was just glad Melora didn't know where i lived because as much as we had in common i never wanted to see her ever again....
Chapter 5
Over the next 5 years i continued to juggle my pretending with my looking after Zarita and a new job i had managed to obtain, it was quite a tough balancing act but one that i enjoyed, i had met up with a couple of other people who had shared my passion but no long term romantic prospects that was for sure, i started to notice over time that i was now looking at the more restrictive levels of paralysis as i felt like while good i was beginning to tire a bit of pretending to be a para or somewhere in that region, it was almost as if my desires were maturing like a fine wine and i was starting to find myself more and more attracted to the world of quadriplegia and all it had to offer.
My computer was still going strong and it was now 2002 so the amount of pictures had grown again, i was having regular role plays on the Internet as well as the odd meet up with people, i knew i couldn't afford my own power chair but after doing the sums i thought i might treat myself and rent one for a fortnight as Zarita was due to spend a few days at her grandparents so i would be free to do whatever i liked once i got home from work. I waited with such anticipation as i waited for the chair to get delivered, I'd ordered one that was apparently designed for a low to mid level quad as they were the only ones i could get straight away. While sitting patiently on the couch i suddenly heard the chugging engine of a truck outside, i got quite nervous and i almost couldn't breath i got so anxious over the wonderful times i was sure to have in it. Soon there was a knock on the door. "Saskia Berman"? he asked to which i replied yes. "You ordered a wheelchair from us, The comforter 3000?"
"Yes that's right. Bring it in thank you, just in that corner there will do" i said as i pointed to a corner i had cleared for the chair to sit. The man moved the wheelchair off the truck and placed it in the corner, it looked exactly how i thought it would and i thanked the delivery man, he was quickly on his way but remarked that he would be back in two weeks to pick it up, that presented a minor concern as Zarita would be back in a few days but i would just say i was looking after it for someone at work, as long as my parents didn't see it then it would be all good.
I couldn't wait to hop in the chair again, i pulled out a strap and put it over my legs and tightening it, i wanted to act like a mid level quad say c5 level, my hand would be able to control the wheelchair and i would have good control over my shoulders, i had a thing for wrist splints so i had picked up some before the wheelchair came and placed them on my hands before realising that could be tricky as then how would i drive the wheelchair, i looked over and couldn't believe my eyes when i saw the chair had an added feature that i hadn't counted on, in fact i couldn't believe i had missed it as i saw a sip 'n' puff apparatus strapped onto the back of the wheelchair which obviously you assemble yourself to get in the right position. I unwrapped it and mounted it in the spot allocated, i adjusted it to be at my mouth level then blew in, the wheelchair just took off for about a metre or two before stopping, this was awesome!!
As i continued to master the sipping and the puffing to hilarious results i noticed that this was in fact a different wheelchair to the one i ordered, i looked down and i saw on the side it read "Comforter 4000" I had got the wrong wheelchair! I couldn't believe the mix up but hey i wasn't complaining, the only reason i had ordered the 3000 was because there was no waiting period for that one, the differences were only very subtle but they were there none the less as evidenced by the chair coming with a sip 'n' puff control. It was getting late but i had to test this all out in a bigger space and go for a spin plus it was dark so my neighbours wouldn't be able to identify me hopefully and want to ask questions.
I got myself ready then headed out using the straw to propel the chair while my hands sat in their splints at the end of the arm rests, my legs had been strapped in so they wouldn't move out of position and soon i was off. I headed down the footpath knowing it very well, the chair had only very average suspension so i felt every bump and crack in the footpath which i really enjoyed, as per usual even at night time there was always someone walking their dog or something as i saw a man only metres away doing just that, he looked at me in my wheelchair and even in the dark i saw a bit of pity in his eyes which made me a bit horny, as i looked at him though i forgot i was headed for a steep curb and the wheelchair flipped on it's side turfing me out. The man saw this and came running over to help, i almost made the mistake of moving then i just decided to let him push my wheelchair back over and let him help me back into my chair "Oh your poor thing" he said as he picked me up in a very uncomfortable manner i had to say, i made sure my legs went completely floppy as he placed me back in the wheelchair while continuing to ask me if i was "Ok", I got my bearings back and sat in the wheelchair only trying to fix my position using the functionality of a c5, i looked over and disaster as my straw seemed to be bent, i blew into it and it had now appeared to be broken. The man was observing all of this and asked "Something wrong?"
"Yes the straw used to move my wheelchair is broken, would you kindly wheel me back to my apartment as otherwise i will be stranded here" i said playing up to the situation.
"Sure, whereabouts are you?" he asked
"I'm about half a block away, only 2 kilometres or so" i replied. He stood behind my wheelchair and pushed it home, i had to admit this was an enormous thrill having some mysterious stranger roll me home like i really was paralyzed. As we approached my house though he took a wrong turn. "Umm that was my street just there" i said a little confused as to why he turned.
"I know that's where you told me but we aren't going to your place" he replied in a voice that was now starting to worry me.
"Look take me home now!" i yelled getting more scared by the minute. He then started to get really angry. "Look bitch your mine." he said menacingly then kicked my legs and added "How you going to get away? Your crippled"
As he said this i sprung from my wheelchair giving him the shock of his life, a rage took over me and i decided that while his stupid mouth was still gaping open in shock i would plant one across his face with my still splinted right hand, his dog started going off it's chops barking while i gave his master one with my left hand, as we continued to fight suddenly lights started coming on due to the dog's barking and soon two residents from a nearby house came out to check out what was happening. Upon seeing this the man dashed off with his dog while i hopped back in my wheelchair and using the hand controls drove it home almost not believing what just happened. I got back to my apartment and took a few deep breaths a bit shaken by the whole thing, i wondered how i would have fared if i was really was a c5 and not been able to fight back but then i realised if i was really was one i never would have been out at the time, not without at least a nurse so i shouldn't let tonight put me off in any way over what i love so much. As i looked at the chair I was probably more upset over the bent straw, i would have to paid for the damage to that i was sure and also along the side some paint had been chipped off when it hit the ground, certainly not the night i was hoping for but i had another two weeks with it so i was going to make the most of it regardless...
No comments:
Post a Comment