The Lying Game - Chapters 3 and 4

Chapter 3
After making a positive identification of Jesinta the previous day I went into work again, I was curious as to why she was in a centre in Juwata which was 12 hours away from Westchester where I shot her, I had so many questions but I was too terrified to ask plus if I'm not going to own up then I should just leave her be. Once again I was on garden duty and while pruning bushes I kept an eye out for Jesinta planning a getaway if she arrived, she didn't turn up this day though which was a relief, I knew I couldn't avoid her all the time but for now that was going to be the plan.


For the next couple of days I was able to avoid her as well until one day while pulling out weeds I heard her voice behind me. "Hello handyman, winning the battle?" she asked
"Winning what battle? I'm not in a battle" I fumbled
"The war on weeds silly" she replied. "Guess it's true what they say about the strong good looking ones"
"And what's that?"
"All brawn no brains"
I just laughed and couldn't believe that she appeared to be flirting with me.
"So what happened the other day? We were having a good chat then you just upped and left" she enquired.
"Sorry I just realised I left a tap running or something"
"Or something? You don't sound very convinced" she replied although she tried to say it too quick and was interrupted by her vent. I was so incredibly nervous around her it was just extraordinary, i couldn't believe I was capable of leaving a woman like this.
"Well yeah I don't know" I said not really having any idea what to say.
"Are you put off by my condition? I know people always freak out when they see me for the first time but I guess that's natural, not too many c1 quadriplegic women around"
"Well yes I mean no, oh god I have got no idea" I fumbled again
"I'd really like it if we can be friends..Umm have I ever got your name?"
"Steven". I didn't want to give my real name but I was going to have to go on the books probably so I had to.
"Well nice to meet you Steven. It's so good to be able to talk to a man again, I haven't done it since my accident, unless you count doctors of course which I don't"
"No worries" I replied. As I said this the nurse told Jesinta it was time to go back inside. "It was great to chat again Steven, hope we can do it again soon" said Jesinta as she was taken away. I just smiled then took a deep breath, I knew now that I probably couldn't avoid her so I would just have to make small talk and keep the conversations short as the guilt would get me for sure if I got too friendly.


Another 48 hours went by and Clarence told me that he wanted my bank details so he could officially put me on the books, I told them that I still didn't have a bank account which didn't leave him very pleased. He told me that I needed one by next week otherwise he would have to let me go. Being let go or just leaving the centre would have been the smart way to play but I knew that Ursula and my old boss would wonder why I just quit or lost my job, plus even if I could get another job I would run into the same problem more than likely. As I walked out of Clarence's office you wouldn't credit it but once again I ran into Jesinta, her long dyed brown hair was down and she had on black pants with a big red duffle parka jacket on and a navy blue scarf wrapped around her neck obscuring her vent a bit.

"Oh hello again" she smiled.
"Hi Jesinta"
"What were doing in Clarence's office? You in trouble for cutting back the rose bush too much?" she joked.
"No just about pay and that"
"You want a pay rise already? I guess just those arms alone are worth a few more dollars" she said starting to flirt again with me.
"Haha no just payment options and that. Your rugged up, where are you off to?" I asked to be polite.
"Nurse Helena and I are just off to the football. Do you want to come?"
"No I have to do a bit of work around here"
"That's a shame" she replied a little disappointed as Clarence then came out of the office. "Clarence can you let Steven off for the rest of the day so he can come to the football with Helena and I?" said Jesinta worrying me.
"Steven has work to do" replied Clarence and I breathed a big sigh of relief.
"Come on Clarence. Make a girl's day would you" insisted Jesinta. Clarence knew that although on the surface Jesinta appeared to be ok with her paralysis deep down she still was actually quite upset over it all. "Oh ok Jesinta you deserve a bit of fun so he can go along if it's ok with him" said Clarence leaving me in a sticky situation.
"So you'll come now Steven?" asked Jesinta. I really didn't want to but with Clarence and Helena looking at me as well as her I knew what my answer had to be.
"Ok sounds fun" I said as we moved out to the awaiting van. I watched as Jesinta fiddled with the straw trying to get the chair in the right spot to go up in the van, once she did Helena pressed a button and it seemed to do the rest lifting her up and placing her in the middle of the van where her brake was applied. As I watched all this I thought it was going to be a long day...


We arrived at the oval where the football or soccer to some was to be played. I thought they were going to a bigger match in a stadium type atmosphere but instead this was just a local match, there would have only been 60 or 70 cars in the car park but even with the small crowd many of them noticed Jesinta being unloaded from the van and in her big wheelchair, she looked nervous with the people watching her. "Not sure I will ever get used to it, people staring and that" she remarked to me. I told her they were probably just admiring her awesome jacket to which she just laughed then almost choked before finally recapturing her breath, albeit a forced one. After that drama we moved over to the field and took up our positions for where we would watch the game. As they ran out Jesinta told me that no.26 Fabio Helinini had visited the centre to help out last week and that's why she was out braving the cold to watch the soccer. I had no idea if she had a crush on him or not but I hoped she did as it would get me off the hook. As the game was played Jesinta cheered Fabio on, her voice wasn't very loud naturally due to the vent but that didn't stop her, she continued to cheer him on until the final whistle was blown. "I want to go down and say hello" she said as she zoomed her wheelchair over to where they all walked off. "Fabio" she screamed. He looked over then walked off completely ignoring her. Now I knew I was in no way qualified to judge other people's behaviour but it was a pretty poor act to just ignore her, I looked at Jesinta and tears had started to well up in her eyes. "Maybe he just has somewhere he needs to be so he couldn't stop to talk" I said trying to excuse his snub and make her feel better.
"Too busy to even say hello?" she sobbed. Helena pulled out a tissue and I wiped her eyes. "Sometimes I just get so god damn sick of being like this" she said continuing to weep. Little did she know the man who made her this way was now standing in front of her, I was the one who made the utterly egregious act of shooting her now here I was trying to comfort her.

 After calming down Jesinta made her way back to the van and on the trip back to the centre never uttered a word so upset over Fabio, her condition, everything. Upon arrival back at the centre she gave me a teary thanks for coming before heading to her room. I realised I couldn't take any more of this I had to hand myself in, I just had to talk to Ursula first.
I went home not looking forward to telling Ursula, she wouldn't be pleased that's for sure. I walked in and there she was on the couch just resting and holding her belly with a smile on her face, she looked truly serene and at peace with herself which was going to make this all the more harder. "Hey babe, how you doing?"
"Oh my god Steven I'm so glad your home, come over here and put your hand on my belly" she said excitedly. I moved over and put my hand on her belly, for a few seconds nothing then I felt a kick. "Can you believe it Steven our baby is kicking!!"
The baby kicking just filled me with such a warm feeling, as I held my hand on Ursula's belly it became more real that there was a baby in there, a baby I helped to create, a life that would rely on me to protect and love it. I realised that once again I would have to put my unborn baby and girlfriend first, it was so gut wrenching to spend time with Jesinta and see her struggles but I would just have to find some way to block it all out because this child will need me.

The next couple of days I was on a high after feeling the sensation of my baby, as I did my rounds though a worried Helena came up to me. "Jesinta hasn't wanted to get out of her bed since the soccer game and she is also refusing to eat. I think she is still upset over Fabio ignoring her, I know that probably wouldn't do much to us emotionally but when your a quadriplegic it can sometimes feel like the world is already crumbling down and this just adds even more weight to the avalanche. Can I ask you a favour? She seems to like you so can you maybe go in and have a word with her? I know it's not your job but I've tried everything."

"Ok no worries" I replied determined to try and not let her get to me. I opened the door to Jesinta's room and saw her lying arched upright in bed, her vent prominent. "Hey Jesinta how you doing?" I asked. She had no movement in her head so she just looked down keen to avoid eye contact, I could tell she had been crying though as her eyes were red raw. "Nice day today, you should come out for a look at the flowers, they look great in this light" I said hoping to get a response. Her eyes finally looked up at me. "Do you ever feel like there's no point to life?"
"Whoa that's a big question. Sure there is" I replied
"What though?"
"Plenty of things, like sport, having a family,meeting someone special and falling in love"
"I can't do any of those things. I can't play sport and it's a major battle to even get to watch it, I can't have a family and who on earth would ever want a woman who can't even move or breath on her own. Thanks for that you really cheered me up" she added on the end sarcastically. I knew I had said the wrong thing but I had no idea on what to say.

"No matter what happens don't give up hope" I tried to say in a encouraging manner.
"Hope? That's something i don't have much of. You know what really shits me off about all this though? I dedicated 12 years of my life to helping kids with severe autism and cerebral palsy and so many other things, I used to work overtime for no extra pay just so those kids had a better chance at life. I was and still am a good person and this is how I get repaid, with the highest level of paralysis you can get. It's just not fair" she said with such a sorrow in her eyes that was truly heartbreaking. "God if I had of known my friend Angelique was previously married to a gangster I probably never would have been mates with her" she added. I just stood there silent knowing that it was probably true, if she wasn't friends with Angelique it never would have happened but then I still would have shot someone so my situation wouldn't have changed a great deal.
"They ever have any leads on who did it?"
"No. They reckon it was one of the gangster's thugs but they haven't been able to pin it on anyone, it's been 18 months now so I highly doubt they will ever catch him. Not that the police care anyway, they are more interested in writing traffic tickets and other pissy little things they can ping people on rather than doing any real work as I think that takes up too much energy for them"
"Yeah your probably right" I replied. I noticed I now had her talking which was a good thing. "So how about that trip around the grounds to check out the garden?"
"I suppose I might be able to manage that" she said begrudgingly but knowing it would do her good as she was sick of looking at the same four walls. I called over to Helena and she fixed the lift up so that Jesinta could be lowered into her wheelchair. As she reached her wheelchair Jesinta remarked "Out of one prison and into another" which I guessed referred to the amount of time spent in the bed and chair, two things she couldn't move out of. She got settled in the chair and the three of us went out into the garden. As Jesinta zoomed off a little bit ahead Helena thanked me for my work in getting her out of bed and into the sunshine outside, I replied that it was nothing but she insisted it was more than that, I realised that I was quickly starting to get a reputation as a "good bloke" which was one I certainly didn't deserve....


Chapter 4


Over the course of the next week I continued to work at the centre and go about my business but rather than my meetings with Jesinta being by chance she was now asking Helena to take her out to see me. I knew this was a bad idea but I was continually torn between trying to help her out and trying to ignore her, she had now clearly latched onto me as a support mechanism which I knew she wouldn't be if she knew the truth, the more time I spent with her though the more I was now conning myself into thinking that telling her now would do more harm than good. One day while out in the garden Clarence came out and told me he wanted to see me, I knew it would be about my bank account and we went back to his office.
"So do you have a bank account Steven?" he asked.
"Umm no. I know that your big on all this but I just don't believe in banks" I replied which was a lie but hoped he would buy it.
"Well Steven I'm not happy about all of this but from all reports you have been doing a good job. Particularly helping out Jesinta which Helena my daughter has told me about."
"Helena is your daughter?" I said surprised.
"Yes and without her I would have probably fired you. I get the feeling your not telling me everything but I will accept your request to be paid cash in hand"
"Oh god thanks Clarence" I said gleefully as I shook his hand and left the office.
"Just don't do anything that will make me change my mind" he warned me as I left. I guessed that meant to continue to be nice to Jesinta which I would have anyway, I knew then that I definitely wasn't going to be able to escape her now.



Later that day Jesinta found me again, every time I looked at her I couldn't imagine what she was going through, to have no use of your arms and legs all day everyday would be so awfully tough, to make matters worse she couldn't even breathe properly or move her head just her eyes and mouth and that's it. I didn't like to focus on the negatives on her situation but I was curious so while Helena was over getting a coffee I asked Jesinta something."I know this is the last thing you like to talk about but how does it feel? Like I mean, to be a quadriplegic"
"It's hell. Complete and utter hell, every morning I wake up there's just this very quick second where I think this was all a bad dream, that I can move and everything is fine, then I go to move and realise it wasn't a dream it's a living nightmare, I can't even get up when I want either I have to wait for someone to come in and even then they are normally just taking away my collection bag to change it or check my catheter to see if it's working or possibly replace it. I have no privacy and while the nurses do a great job I have no say over where they put their hands, sometimes they even have to put their hand up my nether regions to clear my bowels.

"Heard enough?" she said judging by the look of my face.
"I'm so sorry you have to go through these things"
"Yeah well what I told you isn't even the tip of the iceberg"
"I'm sure it is" I agreed not believing what her quality of life must be like.
"I question at least once every day if I want to continue on like this, but I don't want to die so I somehow go on although I'm not sure why to be honest. I guess the pills help!"
"What sort of medication you on?
"An easier question would be what am i not on. I take up to 15-20 pills a day for various problems. The anti depressants numb the terrible thoughts to a degree but doesn't stop them all together" she said with a solemn look coming over her face. "Anyway your supposed to be the one who cheers me up so stop depressing me!!" she added trying to lift the mood.
I wanted to do something to make her life a bit more exciting so I canvassed the idea of going to the Foo fighters concert which was in town and that I had managed to score tickets. Jesinta loved the sound of the idea but the concert would be at night and generally any sort of activities had to be done in the daytime. We brought it up with Helena. "I'll tell you what, it is against the rules but I will try to talk my dad into breaking the rules just this once. Jesinta obviously can't go without a nurse so I will have to come as well, I'll go talk to him once Jesinta is back in bed and see if he will go for it"
"Thanks Helena" we both said. After they headed off I realised I had a lot of work to do so I started to weed and prune like a man possessed so as to get home on time to Ursula.
Soon enough Helena got word that going to the concert would be ok, but just this one time as Clarence didn't want this thing becoming a regular occurrence. The day of the concert rolled around and Jesinta was loaded up onto the van, we arrived at the concert and straight away ran into interference. "You can't park that wheelchair here it's a fire hazard" said the security guard as Jesinta got into position. "Are you serious?" I replied.
"Very serious mate. You cant park that wheelchair there"
"Don't you think you can break with protocol just this once?" asked Helena.
"No I can't" replied the guard in a forceful manner getting in Helena's face a bit. I knew what these kinds of guys were like, they were either too fat or not disciplined enough to make the police force so they became what they considered the next best thing and that was a security guard. I could see Jesinta was getting upset so I took matters into my own hands."How about you just let us stay here" I said to the guard slipping him a 50 dollar note. He smiled and took the 50, then the bastard still told us to move. I stared at him with his smarmy look and said "Right that's it. I tried to be nice but now it's on" I headbutted him then landed a swift right hook to his jaw. "Listen you fuck we are sitting here got it?" I yelled in his face, he just nodded clutching his jaw and sooked off, I couldn't believe how quickly he scampered away like a little boy but then again I knew he was all bark and no bite, I had been around killers and god knows what when it came to Benny's crew so I knew a soft cock when I saw one.
While all of this was happening Helena and Jesinta looked on, they now looked at me a bit scared but they realised the guy was an insensitive prick so they were glad I roughed him up. "Let's enjoy the concert" I enthused as the Foo fighters took the stage. Throughout the concert Helena bopped along and I had to say I enjoyed myself, Jesinta told us she was dancing along in her head which made me a bit sad but she almost mentioned she had her best night in ages too which made me a least a little happy. We all arrived back at the centre on a high after a great night, Jesinta thanked me for getting her out and Helena once again got it in her head that I was some kind of perfect guy which I most certainly wasn't, I headed home thinking that for at least a couple of hours I had made Jesinta forget about her tragedy and enjoy herself. It still in no way,shape or form made up for what I did though that's for sure but I helped.

At work the next day I was a little weary but I didn't mind as it had been a good night, Jesinta had apparently knocked up for the run though and obviously picked up something from someone at the concert because she wasn't feeling well, Helena told me this is a common occurrence with quads though when they are mixed in with 12,000 other people, while she said this she asked me if I would like to catch some lunch with her. "Umm yeah I guess we could manage that I thought" I replied. I assumed she knew I was taken due to Clarence being her father but I wasn't sure, I know it sounds so conceited to think she would be interested in me but I'm guessing that's where i used up all my luck in life because for some reason I was a girl magnet.

We headed off to lunch and I tucked into a sandwich while Helena had a fruit salad, we started chatting about random things before she asked me if I was seeing anyone. "I have a girlfriend, her name is Ursula, we are expecting our first baby actually" I proudly told her.
"Ursula Anderson?"
"Yeah that's her"
"Are you sure the baby is yours?" she asked which surprised me quite a lot.
"What do you mean is it mine? Of course it is! Why would you even say that?"
"It's just I knew Ursula in high school and she used to get around a bit if you know what I mean, I heard she still did although she might have changed and I could be completely wrong"
"Well I have no reason to doubt her at this point in time"
"Ok then all good. Sorry if I offended you"
After the way she talked about Ursula the conversation dried up a bit, Helena didn't seem like a vindictive person but I couldn't really believe anything she said as Ursula had been nothing but good to me. That night as I entered the apartment I could see Ursula talking very quietly on the phone which I found a little strange. After she got off I asked her who it was. "Oh just a friend" she replied with appeared to be a guilty look. "I ran into one of your old school friends today, Helena Bernstein"
"Helena an old friend? You have got to be joking" she replied with disdain.
"So you two didn't get along?"
"To say that would be an understatement. Anyway I'm not interested in talking about her what do you want for dinner?"
"You get off your feet and I'll fix it" I replied. Ursula was 5 months and showing just a little at this point. We sat down and had dinner before we headed off to bed, I couldn't help but notice Ursula was being a little weird but I just assumed it was all in my head and went to sleep..