The Lying Game - Chapter 1 and 2

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Lying Game - Chapters 3 and 4

Chapter 3
After making a positive identification of Jesinta the previous day I went into work again, I was curious as to why she was in a centre in Juwata which was 12 hours away from Westchester where I shot her, I had so many questions but I was too terrified to ask plus if I'm not going to own up then I should just leave her be. Once again I was on garden duty and while pruning bushes I kept an eye out for Jesinta planning a getaway if she arrived, she didn't turn up this day though which was a relief, I knew I couldn't avoid her all the time but for now that was going to be the plan.


For the next couple of days I was able to avoid her as well until one day while pulling out weeds I heard her voice behind me. "Hello handyman, winning the battle?" she asked
"Winning what battle? I'm not in a battle" I fumbled
"The war on weeds silly" she replied. "Guess it's true what they say about the strong good looking ones"
"And what's that?"
"All brawn no brains"
I just laughed and couldn't believe that she appeared to be flirting with me.
"So what happened the other day? We were having a good chat then you just upped and left" she enquired.
"Sorry I just realised I left a tap running or something"
"Or something? You don't sound very convinced" she replied although she tried to say it too quick and was interrupted by her vent. I was so incredibly nervous around her it was just extraordinary, i couldn't believe I was capable of leaving a woman like this.
"Well yeah I don't know" I said not really having any idea what to say.
"Are you put off by my condition? I know people always freak out when they see me for the first time but I guess that's natural, not too many c1 quadriplegic women around"
"Well yes I mean no, oh god I have got no idea" I fumbled again
"I'd really like it if we can be friends..Umm have I ever got your name?"
"Steven". I didn't want to give my real name but I was going to have to go on the books probably so I had to.
"Well nice to meet you Steven. It's so good to be able to talk to a man again, I haven't done it since my accident, unless you count doctors of course which I don't"
"No worries" I replied. As I said this the nurse told Jesinta it was time to go back inside. "It was great to chat again Steven, hope we can do it again soon" said Jesinta as she was taken away. I just smiled then took a deep breath, I knew now that I probably couldn't avoid her so I would just have to make small talk and keep the conversations short as the guilt would get me for sure if I got too friendly.


Another 48 hours went by and Clarence told me that he wanted my bank details so he could officially put me on the books, I told them that I still didn't have a bank account which didn't leave him very pleased. He told me that I needed one by next week otherwise he would have to let me go. Being let go or just leaving the centre would have been the smart way to play but I knew that Ursula and my old boss would wonder why I just quit or lost my job, plus even if I could get another job I would run into the same problem more than likely. As I walked out of Clarence's office you wouldn't credit it but once again I ran into Jesinta, her long dyed brown hair was down and she had on black pants with a big red duffle parka jacket on and a navy blue scarf wrapped around her neck obscuring her vent a bit.

"Oh hello again" she smiled.
"Hi Jesinta"
"What were doing in Clarence's office? You in trouble for cutting back the rose bush too much?" she joked.
"No just about pay and that"
"You want a pay rise already? I guess just those arms alone are worth a few more dollars" she said starting to flirt again with me.
"Haha no just payment options and that. Your rugged up, where are you off to?" I asked to be polite.
"Nurse Helena and I are just off to the football. Do you want to come?"
"No I have to do a bit of work around here"
"That's a shame" she replied a little disappointed as Clarence then came out of the office. "Clarence can you let Steven off for the rest of the day so he can come to the football with Helena and I?" said Jesinta worrying me.
"Steven has work to do" replied Clarence and I breathed a big sigh of relief.
"Come on Clarence. Make a girl's day would you" insisted Jesinta. Clarence knew that although on the surface Jesinta appeared to be ok with her paralysis deep down she still was actually quite upset over it all. "Oh ok Jesinta you deserve a bit of fun so he can go along if it's ok with him" said Clarence leaving me in a sticky situation.
"So you'll come now Steven?" asked Jesinta. I really didn't want to but with Clarence and Helena looking at me as well as her I knew what my answer had to be.
"Ok sounds fun" I said as we moved out to the awaiting van. I watched as Jesinta fiddled with the straw trying to get the chair in the right spot to go up in the van, once she did Helena pressed a button and it seemed to do the rest lifting her up and placing her in the middle of the van where her brake was applied. As I watched all this I thought it was going to be a long day...


We arrived at the oval where the football or soccer to some was to be played. I thought they were going to a bigger match in a stadium type atmosphere but instead this was just a local match, there would have only been 60 or 70 cars in the car park but even with the small crowd many of them noticed Jesinta being unloaded from the van and in her big wheelchair, she looked nervous with the people watching her. "Not sure I will ever get used to it, people staring and that" she remarked to me. I told her they were probably just admiring her awesome jacket to which she just laughed then almost choked before finally recapturing her breath, albeit a forced one. After that drama we moved over to the field and took up our positions for where we would watch the game. As they ran out Jesinta told me that no.26 Fabio Helinini had visited the centre to help out last week and that's why she was out braving the cold to watch the soccer. I had no idea if she had a crush on him or not but I hoped she did as it would get me off the hook. As the game was played Jesinta cheered Fabio on, her voice wasn't very loud naturally due to the vent but that didn't stop her, she continued to cheer him on until the final whistle was blown. "I want to go down and say hello" she said as she zoomed her wheelchair over to where they all walked off. "Fabio" she screamed. He looked over then walked off completely ignoring her. Now I knew I was in no way qualified to judge other people's behaviour but it was a pretty poor act to just ignore her, I looked at Jesinta and tears had started to well up in her eyes. "Maybe he just has somewhere he needs to be so he couldn't stop to talk" I said trying to excuse his snub and make her feel better.
"Too busy to even say hello?" she sobbed. Helena pulled out a tissue and I wiped her eyes. "Sometimes I just get so god damn sick of being like this" she said continuing to weep. Little did she know the man who made her this way was now standing in front of her, I was the one who made the utterly egregious act of shooting her now here I was trying to comfort her.

 After calming down Jesinta made her way back to the van and on the trip back to the centre never uttered a word so upset over Fabio, her condition, everything. Upon arrival back at the centre she gave me a teary thanks for coming before heading to her room. I realised I couldn't take any more of this I had to hand myself in, I just had to talk to Ursula first.
I went home not looking forward to telling Ursula, she wouldn't be pleased that's for sure. I walked in and there she was on the couch just resting and holding her belly with a smile on her face, she looked truly serene and at peace with herself which was going to make this all the more harder. "Hey babe, how you doing?"
"Oh my god Steven I'm so glad your home, come over here and put your hand on my belly" she said excitedly. I moved over and put my hand on her belly, for a few seconds nothing then I felt a kick. "Can you believe it Steven our baby is kicking!!"
The baby kicking just filled me with such a warm feeling, as I held my hand on Ursula's belly it became more real that there was a baby in there, a baby I helped to create, a life that would rely on me to protect and love it. I realised that once again I would have to put my unborn baby and girlfriend first, it was so gut wrenching to spend time with Jesinta and see her struggles but I would just have to find some way to block it all out because this child will need me.

The next couple of days I was on a high after feeling the sensation of my baby, as I did my rounds though a worried Helena came up to me. "Jesinta hasn't wanted to get out of her bed since the soccer game and she is also refusing to eat. I think she is still upset over Fabio ignoring her, I know that probably wouldn't do much to us emotionally but when your a quadriplegic it can sometimes feel like the world is already crumbling down and this just adds even more weight to the avalanche. Can I ask you a favour? She seems to like you so can you maybe go in and have a word with her? I know it's not your job but I've tried everything."

"Ok no worries" I replied determined to try and not let her get to me. I opened the door to Jesinta's room and saw her lying arched upright in bed, her vent prominent. "Hey Jesinta how you doing?" I asked. She had no movement in her head so she just looked down keen to avoid eye contact, I could tell she had been crying though as her eyes were red raw. "Nice day today, you should come out for a look at the flowers, they look great in this light" I said hoping to get a response. Her eyes finally looked up at me. "Do you ever feel like there's no point to life?"
"Whoa that's a big question. Sure there is" I replied
"What though?"
"Plenty of things, like sport, having a family,meeting someone special and falling in love"
"I can't do any of those things. I can't play sport and it's a major battle to even get to watch it, I can't have a family and who on earth would ever want a woman who can't even move or breath on her own. Thanks for that you really cheered me up" she added on the end sarcastically. I knew I had said the wrong thing but I had no idea on what to say.

"No matter what happens don't give up hope" I tried to say in a encouraging manner.
"Hope? That's something i don't have much of. You know what really shits me off about all this though? I dedicated 12 years of my life to helping kids with severe autism and cerebral palsy and so many other things, I used to work overtime for no extra pay just so those kids had a better chance at life. I was and still am a good person and this is how I get repaid, with the highest level of paralysis you can get. It's just not fair" she said with such a sorrow in her eyes that was truly heartbreaking. "God if I had of known my friend Angelique was previously married to a gangster I probably never would have been mates with her" she added. I just stood there silent knowing that it was probably true, if she wasn't friends with Angelique it never would have happened but then I still would have shot someone so my situation wouldn't have changed a great deal.
"They ever have any leads on who did it?"
"No. They reckon it was one of the gangster's thugs but they haven't been able to pin it on anyone, it's been 18 months now so I highly doubt they will ever catch him. Not that the police care anyway, they are more interested in writing traffic tickets and other pissy little things they can ping people on rather than doing any real work as I think that takes up too much energy for them"
"Yeah your probably right" I replied. I noticed I now had her talking which was a good thing. "So how about that trip around the grounds to check out the garden?"
"I suppose I might be able to manage that" she said begrudgingly but knowing it would do her good as she was sick of looking at the same four walls. I called over to Helena and she fixed the lift up so that Jesinta could be lowered into her wheelchair. As she reached her wheelchair Jesinta remarked "Out of one prison and into another" which I guessed referred to the amount of time spent in the bed and chair, two things she couldn't move out of. She got settled in the chair and the three of us went out into the garden. As Jesinta zoomed off a little bit ahead Helena thanked me for my work in getting her out of bed and into the sunshine outside, I replied that it was nothing but she insisted it was more than that, I realised that I was quickly starting to get a reputation as a "good bloke" which was one I certainly didn't deserve....


Chapter 4


Over the course of the next week I continued to work at the centre and go about my business but rather than my meetings with Jesinta being by chance she was now asking Helena to take her out to see me. I knew this was a bad idea but I was continually torn between trying to help her out and trying to ignore her, she had now clearly latched onto me as a support mechanism which I knew she wouldn't be if she knew the truth, the more time I spent with her though the more I was now conning myself into thinking that telling her now would do more harm than good. One day while out in the garden Clarence came out and told me he wanted to see me, I knew it would be about my bank account and we went back to his office.
"So do you have a bank account Steven?" he asked.
"Umm no. I know that your big on all this but I just don't believe in banks" I replied which was a lie but hoped he would buy it.
"Well Steven I'm not happy about all of this but from all reports you have been doing a good job. Particularly helping out Jesinta which Helena my daughter has told me about."
"Helena is your daughter?" I said surprised.
"Yes and without her I would have probably fired you. I get the feeling your not telling me everything but I will accept your request to be paid cash in hand"
"Oh god thanks Clarence" I said gleefully as I shook his hand and left the office.
"Just don't do anything that will make me change my mind" he warned me as I left. I guessed that meant to continue to be nice to Jesinta which I would have anyway, I knew then that I definitely wasn't going to be able to escape her now.



Later that day Jesinta found me again, every time I looked at her I couldn't imagine what she was going through, to have no use of your arms and legs all day everyday would be so awfully tough, to make matters worse she couldn't even breathe properly or move her head just her eyes and mouth and that's it. I didn't like to focus on the negatives on her situation but I was curious so while Helena was over getting a coffee I asked Jesinta something."I know this is the last thing you like to talk about but how does it feel? Like I mean, to be a quadriplegic"
"It's hell. Complete and utter hell, every morning I wake up there's just this very quick second where I think this was all a bad dream, that I can move and everything is fine, then I go to move and realise it wasn't a dream it's a living nightmare, I can't even get up when I want either I have to wait for someone to come in and even then they are normally just taking away my collection bag to change it or check my catheter to see if it's working or possibly replace it. I have no privacy and while the nurses do a great job I have no say over where they put their hands, sometimes they even have to put their hand up my nether regions to clear my bowels.

"Heard enough?" she said judging by the look of my face.
"I'm so sorry you have to go through these things"
"Yeah well what I told you isn't even the tip of the iceberg"
"I'm sure it is" I agreed not believing what her quality of life must be like.
"I question at least once every day if I want to continue on like this, but I don't want to die so I somehow go on although I'm not sure why to be honest. I guess the pills help!"
"What sort of medication you on?
"An easier question would be what am i not on. I take up to 15-20 pills a day for various problems. The anti depressants numb the terrible thoughts to a degree but doesn't stop them all together" she said with a solemn look coming over her face. "Anyway your supposed to be the one who cheers me up so stop depressing me!!" she added trying to lift the mood.
I wanted to do something to make her life a bit more exciting so I canvassed the idea of going to the Foo fighters concert which was in town and that I had managed to score tickets. Jesinta loved the sound of the idea but the concert would be at night and generally any sort of activities had to be done in the daytime. We brought it up with Helena. "I'll tell you what, it is against the rules but I will try to talk my dad into breaking the rules just this once. Jesinta obviously can't go without a nurse so I will have to come as well, I'll go talk to him once Jesinta is back in bed and see if he will go for it"
"Thanks Helena" we both said. After they headed off I realised I had a lot of work to do so I started to weed and prune like a man possessed so as to get home on time to Ursula.
Soon enough Helena got word that going to the concert would be ok, but just this one time as Clarence didn't want this thing becoming a regular occurrence. The day of the concert rolled around and Jesinta was loaded up onto the van, we arrived at the concert and straight away ran into interference. "You can't park that wheelchair here it's a fire hazard" said the security guard as Jesinta got into position. "Are you serious?" I replied.
"Very serious mate. You cant park that wheelchair there"
"Don't you think you can break with protocol just this once?" asked Helena.
"No I can't" replied the guard in a forceful manner getting in Helena's face a bit. I knew what these kinds of guys were like, they were either too fat or not disciplined enough to make the police force so they became what they considered the next best thing and that was a security guard. I could see Jesinta was getting upset so I took matters into my own hands."How about you just let us stay here" I said to the guard slipping him a 50 dollar note. He smiled and took the 50, then the bastard still told us to move. I stared at him with his smarmy look and said "Right that's it. I tried to be nice but now it's on" I headbutted him then landed a swift right hook to his jaw. "Listen you fuck we are sitting here got it?" I yelled in his face, he just nodded clutching his jaw and sooked off, I couldn't believe how quickly he scampered away like a little boy but then again I knew he was all bark and no bite, I had been around killers and god knows what when it came to Benny's crew so I knew a soft cock when I saw one.
While all of this was happening Helena and Jesinta looked on, they now looked at me a bit scared but they realised the guy was an insensitive prick so they were glad I roughed him up. "Let's enjoy the concert" I enthused as the Foo fighters took the stage. Throughout the concert Helena bopped along and I had to say I enjoyed myself, Jesinta told us she was dancing along in her head which made me a bit sad but she almost mentioned she had her best night in ages too which made me a least a little happy. We all arrived back at the centre on a high after a great night, Jesinta thanked me for getting her out and Helena once again got it in her head that I was some kind of perfect guy which I most certainly wasn't, I headed home thinking that for at least a couple of hours I had made Jesinta forget about her tragedy and enjoy herself. It still in no way,shape or form made up for what I did though that's for sure but I helped.

At work the next day I was a little weary but I didn't mind as it had been a good night, Jesinta had apparently knocked up for the run though and obviously picked up something from someone at the concert because she wasn't feeling well, Helena told me this is a common occurrence with quads though when they are mixed in with 12,000 other people, while she said this she asked me if I would like to catch some lunch with her. "Umm yeah I guess we could manage that I thought" I replied. I assumed she knew I was taken due to Clarence being her father but I wasn't sure, I know it sounds so conceited to think she would be interested in me but I'm guessing that's where i used up all my luck in life because for some reason I was a girl magnet.

We headed off to lunch and I tucked into a sandwich while Helena had a fruit salad, we started chatting about random things before she asked me if I was seeing anyone. "I have a girlfriend, her name is Ursula, we are expecting our first baby actually" I proudly told her.
"Ursula Anderson?"
"Yeah that's her"
"Are you sure the baby is yours?" she asked which surprised me quite a lot.
"What do you mean is it mine? Of course it is! Why would you even say that?"
"It's just I knew Ursula in high school and she used to get around a bit if you know what I mean, I heard she still did although she might have changed and I could be completely wrong"
"Well I have no reason to doubt her at this point in time"
"Ok then all good. Sorry if I offended you"
After the way she talked about Ursula the conversation dried up a bit, Helena didn't seem like a vindictive person but I couldn't really believe anything she said as Ursula had been nothing but good to me. That night as I entered the apartment I could see Ursula talking very quietly on the phone which I found a little strange. After she got off I asked her who it was. "Oh just a friend" she replied with appeared to be a guilty look. "I ran into one of your old school friends today, Helena Bernstein"
"Helena an old friend? You have got to be joking" she replied with disdain.
"So you two didn't get along?"
"To say that would be an understatement. Anyway I'm not interested in talking about her what do you want for dinner?"
"You get off your feet and I'll fix it" I replied. Ursula was 5 months and showing just a little at this point. We sat down and had dinner before we headed off to bed, I couldn't help but notice Ursula was being a little weird but I just assumed it was all in my head and went to sleep..
　

The Lying Game - Chapters 5, 6 and 7

Chapter 5
A few days passed and life was going remarkably well, I had a job and girlfriend that I loved as well as a baby on the way. Once again my work took me out to the garden to try and revive one of the rose bushes and true to form Jesinta came out to talk to me. "Hey Jesinta"
"Hello my friend" she replied. "So glad to get out in the sunshine again after those few days laying low"
"Yeah I know it must be tough when you want to get out and about but when you do you run the risk of getting sick"
"It sucks. Even 18 months on I still find things every day I can't do that I used to. It was a good concert though and I really needed the night out, thanks again Steven"
"My pleasure" I replied as I continued to try and save the rose bush.
"Maybe we could head out some other time and do something" hinted Jesinta.
"Yeah maybe" I replied not wanting to commit too much.
"You know what Steven, I was kind of down on this place when I came a month ago but being able to talk to you has helped me a great deal"
"Whereabouts did you come from?" I asked knowing but curious to know the change of events that had brought her here.
"Well I used to live in Galwester, then I got shot obviously and was taken to a hospital just outside of there, after I was supposedly "recovered" I was told I had to leave the hospital, I only have a sister for family and she lives overseas so even though I owned my own home I couldn't live back there with no help. I moved to another centre for about 12 months but the place was closed down so I got transferred here as it was the only place that was available. I'm glad I had to move her now though because I met you" she finished with a smile.
"Yeah lucky you" I whispered to myself.
"What?"
"Oh nothing" I replied. "Can I ask you something?"
"Fire away Steven"
"Being the way you are do you still think about dating?"
"Wow what a question" she said a bit surprised by my candour. "I guess you always want to have that feeling like someone loves you and cares for you so in that respect yes I think about dating. I can't imagine anyone would want me in this condition though, it would take a very special person" she added.
"I'm sure plenty of men will be in your future" I replied
"Plenty? Only need one!" said Jesinta giggling as good as you can on a vent.
"Well I'm sure you will find one then"
"You offering?" she asked.
"No I'm taken, I have a girlfriend and baby on the way" I replied
"First I have heard of it! Kept that quiet" said Jesinta who looked a bit surprised
"Oh haven't I ever brought it up?" I feigned knowing I hadn't.
"No you haven't. Well I guess now there's one less man I have to choose from then. I've got plenty though after all according to you"
"You will soon. Just give it time" I replied. With that said Jesinta was collected by Helena and moved back inside.


That night I headed home and as I arrived I saw a car reversing out of the spot reserved for our apartment. It appeared to be a man and after Helena's words and the suspect phone call the other night I was now starting to think maybe something was happening with Ursula. Once I entered I noticed Ursula seemed a little rattled. "Hey babe, you just have a visitor?"
"No why?"
"Oh I just saw someone come out of the spot reserved for us"
"You must have just imagined it" she replied very unconvincingly. I know started to think Helena was right and something was up.
After a restless night worrying about Ursula's misgivings I turned up for work and it just so happened to be Jesinta's 31st birthday. She had her makeup done and her dyed brown hair was down and looking good, she had a yellow sundress on and even had a bit of cleavage happening which I wasn't sure who was for, she was also showing a bit of leg and I couldn't help but notice how much her legs had wasted, she was a medium built girl but her legs now looked like that of a woman who was quite slim. "Hey Jesinta" I said as I entered. She looked at me out of the corner of her eye and didn't seem too impressed but still acknowledged my appearance by way of a short "hello". "If I had of known it was your birthday I would have got you something" I said.
"All good. Plenty of other people knew so you can go off and do your work if you want" she replied. She was being very dismissive of me and I couldn't help but think this was because I told her I had a girlfriend and baby on the way.


Another week passed and as I went about my business at the centre a police car pulled up. I thought straight away that here it is, my moment of truth. The time I get dragged away in handcuffs never to see this place or be free ever again. I watched as they went up to Helena first and talked to her, probably telling her how I shot a woman in cold blood, I was sure then Helena wouldn't think that I was the good guy she always enthused about to me and others. After Helena I spied on them a little further and then saw them talking to Jesinta. Oh god would she be in for a shock when they tell her, of course they will probably only say I am suspected of doing it but everyone knows these days you are guilty before proven innocent, in this case though I was guilty, guilty as sin. They seemed to continue on for a few minutes with Jesinta so I walked off to the maintenance shed waiting for them to be directed to me.
As I sat there I waited for them to come and get me but 30 minutes passed and no-one came, I decided to peek my head out and just as I did that Helena turned up. "Your in trouble" she said as I just stood there frozen...
"I can explain" I replied
"Don't worry I know what you did. You had to do it though so all good" she smiled. I was like huh? What on earth was she talking about, i had paralyzed Jesinta, hardly cause for an "all good" comment.
"How can you possibly say what I did was ok?"
"That guy at the concert was an arse, he deserved to get hit. Hang on what were you thinking I meant?"
I breathed a sigh of relief, the police were here because of that arsehole I hit at the concert. "Oh I don't know. So is that guy pressing charges or something?"
"Yes he is, the police asked Jesinta and I if we knew where you were and we said that you don't work here anymore. Apparently the dick from the concert told them that you were with a girl in a wheelchair so that's why they thought of here. They didn't have your name or anything and seemed to believe our stories though so you should be safe"
"You shouldn't have lied to the police about it. I don't want to get either of you in trouble"
"Don't worry about it. That guy deserved it plus Jesinta couldn't care less about the police after their inability to find the person that shot her"
"Ok. Well you should have just handed me in but thanks" I replied. I knew the noose was now tightening on me even further, I was now wanted for two crimes and my freedom was going to be cut short at some point I was sure.
After a stressful day it didn't get any easier as I got home to Ursula. She told me that we needed to talk. "Umm Steven I really hate to say this but the baby isn't yours" said Ursula rather coldly.
"Your joking right" I said in disbelief.

"No I'm not. Your great and all Steven but I have been seeing someone else, he's not perfect but he has a lot of money and could provide a better life for my child and I" she replied

Straight away I noticed it had gone from 'our' child to Ursula saying 'my' child. I always knew Ursula was a bit kooky but I didn't expect her to be this flaky. I just simply had to ask one question. "Why?"
"Well as I just said Steven he has money. Our future will be safe. You just don't earn enough and your wasting your money on stupid things like concert tickets"
　
"How on earth do you know about that?"
　
"I ran into Helena at the supermarket and she crowed about how good a night it was. You lied to me and told me you were working late"
　
"You are getting on my case for lying when you told me that this baby was mine? You are unbelievable!!"
"Well I'm leaving Steven so I'm not interested in fighting". With that said she picked up her bags and left. I just sat on the couch utterly confused at what had just occurred, it went so quick it all seemed like a blur and my mind just couldn't seem to comprehend not just this but the whole day's events. When I woke up the cops were nowhere near me and I had a girlfriend who was expecting our baby, now the net was closing in on me with the police and I had been left heartbroken and alone. It's fair to say that night I hit the booze in a major way and after a bottle of bourbon passed out on the couch.

The next morning I was awoken by the incessant ringing of the phone. I was still incredibly drunk but finally answered. "Hello"
"Steven? Is that you"
"Yeah it's me. Who's this?" I slurred still barely coherent.
"It's Helena from the centre, Clarence what's to know where the hell are you,your supposed to be at work"
"I don't think I can come in today, had a little bit to drink"
"A little?? Sounds like a lot to me. Look I will just tell Clarence you aren't feeling well and that you'll be back tomorrow, and for god's sake sober up man!"
"Ok Helena" I mumbled before she hung up. I felt like death warmed up but at least being so sick killed my pain to some degree over Ursula.

True to form my addictive personality kicked in again and even though I still felt horrible as soon as I sobered up I once again hit the bottle again, this was going to be how it was now, drinking myself into oblivion before the pain went away, naturally I didn't turn up for work again the next day. After I missed my second day of work I heard a knock on the door, I thought it might have been Ursula but after opening I saw it was Helena. "God you look terrible Steven" she said as she saw me.
"Thanks" I replied
"You missed work again.Has something happened?"
"I guess you could say that"
"Is it Ursula? Something wrong with the baby"
"Yeah well there's something wrong with the baby alright, it's not mine"
"Oh my god"
"You were right Helena. Ursula had been sleeping around and it's not mine, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, after all the things I have done I don't deserve any happiness" I dribbled still heavily affected by alcohol.
"What do you mean all the things you've done. if your talking about that clown at the concert then he deserved it"
"No I'm not talking about him. Just things in my past"
"Your being very cryptic Steven. Tell me what you have done and maybe I can help"
"I doubt it. You would hate me for sure" I replied. I so badly needed just to talk to someone and tell them what I had done, if only to take my mind off Ursula if nothing else.
"Come on, you can trust me" she implored wanting me to open up. I knew it was a bad idea but I couldn't help but spill the beans finally.
"I'm responsible for Jesinta's paralysis" I confessed.
"What do you mean? How can you be responisble?" said a puzzled Helena.
"I was the one that shot her" I replied waiting for the outrage. It had come to the point where I didn't care about what happened I would just cop whatever punishment that would be dished out.
"You shot her? You shot Jesinta Marshall? Your joking right?" laughed Helena still not believing me. I looked her in the eye as straight as I could and said "It was me". She just looked at me and straight away her eyes just bulged out and grew the size of saucers upon the realisation that it really was me.
"Oh god. I can't believe it was you. And you have been working at the centre all this time and talking to her" she cried in complete disbelief. "How could you do that? How could you befriend her like you have when you know it was you" she added.
"I tried not to believe me, I didn't even know it was the woman I shot until she told me how she was paralyzed then I just froze and haven't known what to do ever since"
"God this is just insane. I don't even know how this can possibly be true" said Helena who continued in her disbelief. "Jesinta doesn't know though right"
"Of course she doesn't. I don't know how she would react but it wouldn't be pretty"
"God you think!! She would be mortified at finding this out, how can you talk to her and spend time with her knowing what you have done??"
"I don't know. When I found out it was her I originally freaked out then after seeing her a couple of times I wanted to tell her. But then I felt what I thought was my baby kicking inside Ursula and I thought that I had to be here for my child so I decided to keep quiet. I'm ready for whatever punishment comes my way now though so tell the authorities. I won't put up a fight"
"I'm not sure it's my place to tell the authorities Steven. After all I quite like the way Jesinta is" she hinted throwing me completely off.
"What? Did I just hear you right? You like the way Jesinta is?" I asked thinking I must have misheard her.
"You heard right. I like the way Jesinta is, you see Steven I am what is called a devotee"
"A what??"
"A devotee. It's a term used for a person who is turned on by paralysis. I really get horny over quads and Jesinta is one sexy quadriplegic"
I just looked at Helena and couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. I was starting to think the world had gone mad, I had just lost my girlfriend and baby and now I confess to shooting someone leaving them a quadriplegic and the person is telling me they get off on that.
"I can't believe this" I told Helena.
"Well working in a centre filled with paralyzed people I tend to keep it very quiet. I still think what you did is reprehensible but it's not my place to judge as I have been going home every night and playing with myself thinking of Jesinta in that chair" she replied."I think you should turn yourself in but I won't be doing it. Oh and I'd appreciate it also if you didn't tell anyone about me being a devotee but I doubt you will considering what I know about you" she added.

She got that right, I wouldn't be saying anything about anything. As I sat there and tried desperately to gather my thoughts I realised that subconsciously I think I had tried to pass the onus of being honest off myself and onto Helena by telling her I shot Jesinta, leaving it up to her to dob me in as I was too gutless to do it myself. But even that hadn't worked. I was now more confused than ever over everything. "Whoa I still can't believe it was you" marvelled Helena who was still sitting on the couch with me.
"Yeah well believe it. I'm not sure what's more shocking, what you told me or the fact your not dobbing me in"
"Well we all have our desires and passions in life, mine just happen to not be the norm"
"Got that right" I replied. "Where do we go from here" I asked
"Nothing has to change, Just keep going to work as normal"
"What about Jesinta?"
"What about her? If your not going to confess then just keep working at the centre"
"I'm not sure how your going to do it. Spend all day with her knowing what you know now"
"Well you did it. Plus I'm not the one who shot her so my conscience is clear"
"Yeah but you know"
"So what?" she said as she prepared to leave my apartment. I just stood there then closed the door after she left, I flopped back on the couch before drifting off to sleep after an absolutely crazy day certain there would be similar days to come...

　
Chapter 6
The next day I finally made my way to work after a booze induced couple of days. Strangely my confession to Helena and hers in return had actually made me feel a bit better although I had still had one giant hangover. As I stuffed around in my shed I heard the clicking of a woman's shoes, I turned around and to find it was Helena. "Finally decide to rock up for work?" she asked.
"Yeah. After our little chat the other day it kind of snapped me out of my funk" I replied.
"Well confessing a crime that would probably get you 10 years in jail will probably do that for you" quipped Helena.
"Oh and someone passing it off and offering up their own secret too of course" I replied back continuing the tit for tat.
"Touche' Steven. You seen Jesinta today?"
"No not yet. Can't say I was planning to either"
"I'm looking after her in an hour so I'll bring her around"
"No need I'm good" I replied now knowing that seeing Jesinta would be even more awkward now if that was even possible knowing Helena had designs on her.
"Ok but once I tell her your single again I'm sure she will want to come out and console a poor heartbroken Steven" teased Helena.
"Well don't tell her about Ursula, she doesn't need to know. With her being annoyed with me after finding out about her i have actually got a bit of work done around here"
"Ok Stevey boy I won't bring her out" said Helena as she walked off.
I should have known not to believe Helena as 2 hours later she came by with Jesinta. "Oh Steven I just heard, I'm so sorry" offered a sympathetic Jesinta who had obviously been told of my breakup. "If you need to chat to someone then I'm happy to listen" she added.
"Thanks Jesinta" I replied
"Must be so tough coming to work when your heart must be just aching" Jesinta said continuing on her sympathy trail.
"Yeah it's tough but I will be ok. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" i gestured defiantly.
"Not quite sure that's true in my case but I get what you mean" replied Jesinta. It was amazing how little comments you say to anyone that mean nothing suddenly take on more meaning when your talking to a quadriplegic.
"I know something that will cheer you up. Umm maybe not cheer you up but at least make your forget for a couple of hours maybe"
"And what is that?"
"The centre is renting a big screen and projector for a movie night out here in the gardens. You should come along" enthused Jesinta.
"Sounds interesting" I said not wanting to pour cold water over it.
"So you'll come? It's Saturday night at 6pm"
"Yeah might as well" I replied just deciding to give in.
"I'll be there too" chimed in Helena.
"Oh great" I said acting like I was really excited about it.

Helena and Jesinta took off but soon enough were back again on Saturday. Being the handyman I was it was left to me to put the screen up while someone else fired up the projector to test it out. "This is going to be fun" smiled Jesinta at me as she seemed to be checking me out in my singlet. "Well it starts in two hours so I have to go get ready" she added as her mouth gripped her straw and manoeuvred her wheelchair out of the garden with Helena following. In regards to putting out chairs I knew that most people at the centre would definitely be b-y-o, but I heard that some of the friends and/or family members of the patients or residents of the centre would be coming so I had to put out a few chairs for them, not too many of course as there would need to be room for people to get around in their wheelchairs. It was a tricky thing to manage but I was sure it would all work out. As everything was put in it's place I turned around and there was Jesinta in her wheelchair, she had her hair down and it looked great as it cascaded down either side of her face, she had a very revealing low cut white top which definitely caught the eye and a red skirt which showed off her legs, to finish it off she had red platform sandals with her toes painted a stunning red also. For the first time she really caught my attention due to her beauty and not what I had done to her.

 "Hey Jesinta, you look great"
"You think?" she questioned
"Yeah very hot" I replied
"Oh thanks" she blushed. Helena was naturally with her and we all gathered our positions for the movies. After we got settled and the first movie was about halfway through Jesinta remarked "God it's so awesome sitting out here in the night air watching a movie"
"Yeah it's definitely something different" I replied. As she said that Helena moved and whispered in my ear "She looks hot tonight doesn't she"
"What was that?" said Jesinta hearing Helena whisper something. I thought she might have heard and freaked out.
"Oh I was just saying that it was a good idea. The movies that is" covered Helena.
"Best idea ever" enthused Jesinta even further.
The first movie finished and then just as the second was reaching it's climax a cold breeze suddenly started to blow up making it very chilly, Helena knew this might have happened so pulled out a blanket and placed it onto Jesinta pulling it up to just below her neck. She didn't seem to be too happy having her outfit ruined with a big woolly blanket but knew she needed it as she couldn't feel warmth or the cold. The second movie finished and it was reaching midnight so the decision was made to finish up for the night.
"Well it's been a great night Steven. So glad you could come along" smiled Jesinta.
"No worries. I had a good time"
"Can i ask you something?"
"Yeah sure"
"Can i have a kiss good night?" she asked. I had no idea what to do, I knew I shouldn't kiss her but i didn't have time to think so i moved in and kissed her, I had to admit I wasn't expecting to feel anything but as my lips met hers I felt quite a pleasant sensation, i probably lingered on in the kiss just a fraction too long and I suddenly realised that not only was Helena probably looking at me but others too so I pulled away sharply. Jesinta looked at me and said "Whoa. All i wanted was a simple kiss on the cheek but i guess i will take that!"
"Oh god" I exclaimed knowing then that I had misinterpreted what she said. As I stood there embarrassed I thought at least it made someone happy as I noticed an exuberance to Jesinta i hadn't seen before. Jesinta and Helena said their goodbyes and headed off while I packed up the chairs as most people had left by now and luckily most hadn't seen my kiss. As Jesinta prepared to head inside though once again the Police turned up.

The blue and red lights were flashing like a beacon and i thought for sure now that finally the gig was up, they had to be here for me this time surely, i walked over just to get it over and done with when once again i got another shock. "Jesinta Marshall?" asked the cop.
"Yeah what's this all in aide of?" she questioned.
"We have arrested someone in relation to your shooting" the cop explained further while i just stood there thinking how on earth could they have arrested someone when i did it. "We are confident that it was a man called Ringo Brown. He was already wanted in relation to another murder and we picked up him just yesterday driving the car that was identified as the one used in your shooting, it isn't registered to him but when we went through it we found the gun used to shoot you and it's got his prints all over it so it's more than enough to charge him. He had an accomplice according to a woman who saw the car tearing off but as of yet he hasn't been identified and Ringo isn't talking"
"I can't believe you finally found him" said Jesinta now starting to tear up.
As I stood there I couldn't work out why Ringo hadn't dobbed me in, he wasn't the kind of guy to take a fall for someone but then I realised he was supposed to kill me after I stuffed the original shooting up but he let me go for god knows what reason, I could only assume if Benny knew this there would be big trouble so that's why he was taking the fall.

After a few more questions the police left and Jesinta while upset looked like she finally had a big weight taken off her shoulders, she now thought the man responsible for her condition had been caught and it was at least one less thing to worry about,but in essence it just made everything even more complicated. With the clock now striking 2am Jesinta was exhausted and laid to rest by Helena, after she was settled I headed home but was quickly joined by Helena who had followed me and knocked on the door.
"What are you doing here??" i asked
"Why do you think! Some other guy is taking the fall for you how lucky can you get" she claimed with a smile.
"Oh yeah I'm really lucky. I've had nightmares of that day ever since it had happened" I replied
"Can't be traumatised if your not owning up buddy"
I looked at Helena and knew she had me on that one. I had confessed to her but that was mainly just in the hope she would dob me in so I wouldn't have to.
"Anyway i was thinking we could have a drink" added Helena producing a drink from behind her back. "I know it's probably not wise knowing your drinking habits but I hate to drink alone so how about it?"
　
I really just wanted to head to bed but I knew I was probably still too rung out to sleep so i reluctantly accepted. Helena poured me a glass of red then herself one and soon enough we found ourselves in conversation and an empty wine bottle. "You know what Steven?" asked Helena ominously.
"What?"
"I'm thinking we could have a bit of fun"
"Are you saying what i think your saying?"
"Well yes in a sense" she answered cryptically.
"I thought you were a devotee and only got turned on by paralysis. Why would you want me?" I asked. Helena then jumped off the couch before saying" Be back in a minute". I sat there on the couch and wondered what on earth she was doing, after a minute or two she came back in with a dvd.
"You want to watch a porno as we do it?" I commented.
"Haha. Well it's probably porn for me but you will just think it's creepy probably" explained Helena. I wondered what she meant by that comment then I saw what she meant when she pressed play...
　
Chapter 7
　
Once Helena pressed play I couldn't believe what I was seeing, it was the centre and there was vision of Jesinta in her hospital room being changed and her activity around the grounds, there was even some vision of conversations the three of us had out in the garden. I just sat there in disbelief.
"How the hell did you do this?" I remarked.
"Well a friend of mine at the centre is a whiz with cameras and like me he has an obsession with paralysis so we rigged up a few cameras so that we can keep an eye on them anytime we like"
"Whoa... your right that is very very creepy" I said stunned at what was in front of me. "It's a bit wrong isn't it?"
"Yeah well shooting someone is wrong too" quipped Helena back. I knew it was true but I really started to wonder who on earth Helena was.
"I think you better head off now" I insisted.
"Why? We haven't done anything yet" protested Helena. "I tell you what I want Stevey boy. I want you take off my jeans and go down on me while i watch Jesinta on the tv. Sound good?"
"No it doesn't bloody sound good" I retorted.
"Come on Steven. You don't want me telling anyone you shot poor Jesinta do you?"
"Yeah well i could tell them about your little video operation and they might be interested in that" I replied.
"You could but once your up for the shooting of Jesinta I will just say it was you who planted the cameras, you work at the centre too and I'll tell the police your obsessed with her. Who do you think they would believe??"
I knew she had me there again, the court would believe her for sure so I had to give in to her wishes. While Helena was reasonably attractive standing about 5"9 with dark hair I didn't enjoy having to pleasure her one bit, she moaned as I continued to use my tongue like never before while she watched her clandestine tapes of Jesinta moving round the centre and being changed no less. Finallly Helena came and she pulled up her pants.
"That wasn't so hard was it?" she beamed fresh off her orgasm. I didn't even think it deserved a response so I just looked at her before asking if I could go to bed now.
"Yes you may. I'm a happy girl now. I guess I better take my dvd though, don't want you getting any ideas" commented Helena retrieving it before finally leaving me alone and in peace. I laid back on the couch and wondered if this whole web of activity surrounding Jesinta could get any weirder but I was sure it probably would.
Naturally enough the next day of work wasn't a quiet one, I secretly tried to have a look to see if I could spot any cameras on the grounds but they must have been well hidden as I couldn't see them, as I looked through one of the rose bushes I saw Jesinta out of the corner of my eye. As soon as I saw her I couldn't get that video of her out of my head, seeing her changed and other intimate moments in her care that I shouldn't have seen. There were just so many things she didn't know about. "Hi Steve" she smiled as she made her way up to me.
"Hey Jesinta"
"I never thought finding the man who paralyzed me would make me happy but when I woke up today I did feel a bit better than usual. Can't wait to see him fry in court" she proclaimed.
I looked at Helena and she had a stupid grin on her face over it all, I was starting to think she was almost worse than me and that was saying something.
"Helena can you give Steve and I a few minutes" asked Jesinta.
"Sure babe" replied Helena heading off several minutes away.
"I don't know how to ask this Steven but do you like me?" queried Jesinta. It wasn't really a question I wanted but I knew I had to answer.
"Sure I like you Jesinta, your a good friend" i replied hoping the friend part would tip her off to hopefully go no further.
"You say friend but I got the feeling there was more in that kiss than just friends. Even if you did just misunderstand what I said"
"I don't know what you want me to say Jesinta"
"I want you to say that you like me. Because ummm.. ahh.. I like Steven"
As soon as I heard that I thought oh no, while I did think she was a remarkable woman how on earth could anything be taken further with her when there were so many secrets still untold. I stood there and knew what I should say but as i looked into her eyes that were so filled with hope I just couldn't say no. "Yes I like you Jesinta"
"Really?" she replied with her eyes lighting up like two little christmas trees.
"Yes really"
"This is so awesome!! I was so nervous asking you and I can't believe you feel the same way. Kiss me!!" she cried in delight. I looked over at Helena who was looking at us in the distance then planted one on her, I felt such guilt doing it but I also couldn't deny that strangely enough I was now starting to have some feelings for her...
　
Over the next fortnight I spent a bit more time with Jesinta, she was a very smart woman and had a great personality, she mentioned some of the kids she used to work with and how she enjoyed her job so much, she further added that she always told them they could be whoever they wanted to be no matter the limitations, at the moment though she felt guilty that she wasn't taking her own advice and was just wallowing in self pity still over her condition. It had been well over 12 months but she still couldn't comprehend the fact that this was it and she would be completely paralyzed for the rest of her life. After a couple of teary moments she told me she liked to write, obviously she couldn't physically do it anymore but she wanted to write her thoughts and her experiences as a quadriplegic and possibly publish a book on her story one day. While I wanted to encourage her I thought that smelled danger, not immediate danger but still a problem none the less as who knew who would read it.

The court case for Jesinta's shooting soon came around, even though she finally thought she was getting justice it wasn't really a day Jesinta had been looking forward to, she knew she would have to take the stand and talk about how the "shooter" ruined her life and how she copes with being a quadriplegic day in, day out. Obviously she didn't see who did it but the prosecutor wanted her to talk and draw as much sympathy from the judge and jury as possible. As Jesinta was readied for the court case she asked me something once again I really didn't want to be asked.

"Steven the last couple of weeks have been really great getting to know you further and you've become my rock" she confided.
"Yeah well your easy to hang out with" I replied.
"Well with that said can you come to the courtroom with Helena and I?"
I was really hoping she wouldn't ask that, how could I stand there in the courtroom looking at Ringo take the fall while I sit cosied up to the woman I shot? Not only that but I was worried somewhere along the line someone might recognise me somehow from the incident.
"Umm I don't think I can get out of work today. Really busy" I explained hoping to get out of it.
"Seriously? I'm not sure I can go through with it without you there. It will just be the extra push I need" pleaded Jesinta.
"I'm sure Clarence won't mind if you take the afternoon off" Helena chimed in much to my chagrin.
"Oh ok then. I'll come" I said reluctantly while Helena gave me a grin knowing how compromised I was.
"You were right Helena. He is coming" mentioned a now happy Jesinta to Helena.
"Well Steven is a good man of course he is going to come. Right Steven?" taunted Helena. I should have known it was her idea to get Jesinta to ask me, while i had my faults Helena had a sick mind and who knew what she had in store down the track. Jesinta was loaded into the van wearing a nice black jacket with a fitted red shirt and black pants, she had black flats on her feet and what appeared to be black stockings also to continue the theme,her dyed brown hair had been braided and i thought she looked quite cute all suited up but i was far too nervous to enjoy it, I started up the motor and we all headed off to the courthouse.

The case was being heard at a court closer to where we used to live so that meant it was a long road trip in the van, by the end of it Jesinta didn't feel too well, she knew her victim impact statement would help to put the man who she thought shot her away for a while so she just worked past the way she felt. As we entered the courtroom Jesinta sipped and puffed her wheelchair into a spot that had been reserved for her as she naturally needed a bit of room. We all sat there for close to 10 minutes before Ringo was led into the courtroom with handcuffs on, as soon as he appeared I had a bit of a nervous swallow, he stood there just metres away as his handcuffs were taken off, he had his head down and didn't seem to notice me sitting just metres away, I started to then think somehow magically I could get through this without being seen as he would now have his back to me facing the judge and front of the courtroom.

After a few more minutes the jury appeared followed by the judge, he was quite old and looked like he was a hard man who wouldn't go lightly on repeat offenders like Ringo even though he was innocent of this crime. The first witness came up and it was a woman, after a few questions that meant nothing I learned that she was the woman I had heard scream after seeing the shooting, straight away I wanted to somehow hide my face worried she may have seen me, I had a mask on when doing the shooting but for a period before that I didn't and it was a well known fact in the case that she saw two people in the car driving away. After a few more questions she finally hopped off the stand, as she went to walk out she looked directly at me, my heart stopped for several seconds before she averted her gaze and walked out. I took a big breath and knew that I couldn't take much more of this....

After some more submissions the court broke for a recess, when we got back it would be Jesinta's turn to get up on the stand and she was starting to doubt herself again. "I'm not sure I can do this" she said starting to tear up.
"Sure you can. Just answer the questions asked of you and tell them your condition. You will be fine" I assured her. As per usual Helena looked at me with her stupid smirk. As I turned around after trying to console Jesinta I suddenly made eye contact with Ringo who was being led back into the courtroom after recess, as soon as he saw me his eyes went as big as saucers, he couldn't believe that I would show my face here and I had to admit I was thinking the same thing, he looked over and saw that I had my hand on Jesinta's forearm. "I don't know how you can live with yourself" he said to me as he was led past. I just stood there frozen before Jesinta asked me "What was that all about? The way he was looking at you it was as if he knew you or something"
"No i have no idea" I manage to mumble out.
"You sure?" asked Jesinta
"Yeah I'm sure. He's a hardened criminal why would I know him?"
"Your probably right. Who knows what goes through his head the mongrel, he did this to me after all for no good reason" exploded Jesinta.
"Let's not worry about him just concentrate on what you want to say on the stand" I replied as we all made our way back into the courtroom. It was fair to say I was now quite shaken and I just wanted this day to be over with.......

The Lying Game - Chapter 8,9 and 10

Chapter 8
Everyone made their way back into the courtroom and it was now Jesinta's turn to take the stand, all eyes were on her in her wheelchair as her mouth wrestled with the tube needed to propel her sip 'n' puff wheelchair forward, as she went up she misjudged where the defence's table was and caught the end of it making a loud noise and the jolt caused her to lose grip on the straw of her wheelchair, the jury was mainly women and they looked on with faces of sorrow over Jesinta's plight and her complete lack of movement. After her straw was replaced back to her mouth she made her way to the stand, a special makeshift ramp had been put in place for her so she mounted that and was soon in position to give her testimony, Before she could say anything though she had to take an oath, she obviously couldn't raise her hand so it was raised for her as she said it, not even being able to raise her hand for the oath truly showed how paralyzed she really was to the jurors and one of them even looked set to cry over the condition of Jesinta.
After the oath was done and dusted the prosecution started to ask their questions.
"If you wouldn't mind could you please tell the court your condition at present" asked the prosecutor.

"I'm what is classed a c1 quadriplegic" replied Jesinta

"Could you elaborate a bit more and break it down for the jury please"
　
"Well it means I am paralyzed from the neck down, I need a ventilator to breathe and have no movement in my head either, the only things I can move are my mouth and eyes" Jesinta explained.

The jury of predominantly women looked on in horror as she further informed everyone of her injury and all the dramas that went with it, even the couple of men looked mortified at the pain this woman had been through, pain I was guilty of. After some more questions Jesinta left the stand, she manoeuvred her wheelchair back to where Helena and I were sitting.
"God i'm so glad that's over" she expressed happy to now have most eyes off her again.
"You did fantastic" I encouraged although to be honest I just felt sick over it all.
A few more submisions were made before we were told that the verdict would be received tomorrow. We left the courthouse and headed back to the centre where Jesinta told me she was absolutely exhausted, she was changed by a nurse and placed in her bed by way of a hoist, everytime I saw her limp lifeless body be swung in the air like that landing in bed I felt a wave of guilt but I'd had my chance to own up and I was too gutless, I had now become too deceptive for too long and as selfish as it sounded i'd become too important to her and she needed me now.
The next day we were all up bright and early to head to the courthouse and see what laid in store for Ringo, Jesinta was quite nervous as was I while Helena didn't seem bothered by it all. We made our way into the courtroom and were shortly joined by all the relevant parties including the judge.
"In the case of Ringo Brown, on the charge of attempted murder what do you find?" The judge asked. "We find the defendant guilty your honour" replied the spokeswoman for the jury.
 It was no great shock to anyone as the evidence was there, the Judge deliberated over the decision before sentencing Ringo to 8 years with a 5 year non parole period. He was led away but not before giving one more look in my direction, I knew once he was out he would be coming for me but I had at least 5 years up my sleeve as least. I looked over at Jesinta and tears were starting to stream down her face."It's finally over. Obviously I have to live like this but now I can close the book on this horrible part of my life" she cried. I had no idea on what to say to that so we made our way back to the van and shortly arrived back at the centre. Once again Jesinta was a bit tired so was winched into bed, she wasn't ready for sleep though and asked me to stay behind so we could chat. Helena and another nurse fixed her up left us alone.
"Thanks Steven" she said

"For what?" I asked

"For your support, not just today but the last couple of weeks. It's been amazing getting to know you further and I couldn't imagine my life now without you in it" she confided

"I'm not as good a person as you think I am" I replied.

"Well at the moment you are doing a pretty good job" she smiled

"Thanks"

"Hey you want to know something else?"

"Yeah what?"

"Your a really awesome kisser" she gushed.

When she said it I couldn't help but blush. "I'm thinking you should show me again how good you are with your mouth" she added. I leaned over and gave her a kiss, it felt remarkable and I never thought I would have the feelings I now had for this woman, no matter the circumstance.

After another day of working on the grounds I went to head back to see Jesinta again as she had asked me to come over after my shift ended, as I went to make my way off the grounds though I saw Helena talking to a man that looked like he was very shifty, she was handing him a couple of cardboard boxes and I wondered what it was although I had an idea. I walked to the two of them to investigate.
"Hey Helena what are you up to?" i enquired. Helena looked at me with a dirty look before replying "None of your business Steve".

"What's in the box?" I asked

"Nothing important"

"We'll see about that" I said before yanking one of the boxes out of the man's hands. Straight away he went to throw a punch but I blocked it and headbutted him before he scampered off knowing i had him beaten. I picked up one of the boxes and checked out the contents, sure enough they were clandestine dvd's of the patients at the centre." You were going to get that guy to sell these?"

"I think you know the answer to that already Steve" acknowledged Helena.

"I still can't believe you do this, that and the people who buy this kind of stuff"

"There's a lot of people into this mate, they just stay hidden because society just doesn't understand" defended Helena.

"Well i'm taking these and destroying them"

"I wouldn't advise that" warned Helena.

"I'll take my chances" I replied before walking off with the dvd's. As I walked off with them I noticed one of Jesinta so I disposed of that first scratching it so that it wouldn't be able to play, I took the rest down to the local garbage dump and hoped they didn't see the light of day.

After disposing of the dvd's the next day I ran into Jesinta. She always seemed to have a uncanny knack for knowing where I'll be but now i cherished a visit from her rather than trying to run.
"Hey Steven how are you?" she smiled.

"I'm ok" I replied still shaken over what was occurring. I noticed that today Jesinta wasn't with Helena so I decided that we could talk and not have to worry about her listening. "Hey do you want to go for a picnic?" I asked.

"A picnic? Sounds wonderful" beamed Jesinta whose face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Ok just give me an hour to get some food and I will meet you back at the rose bush outside"

"Sounds good to me"

I took off to get a few items for our picnic including some chicken, cheese and some salad before heading back. True to form Jesinta was there waiting at the rose bush with her substitute nurse, she had changed and was wearing a delightful red dress showing a bit of cleavage, her legs were on show with her collection bag strapped on and containing a tube that ran up her legs into her lady parts, her toes were painted purple and looked cute in a pair of thick heeled white wedges. I quickly made my way and remarked at how good she looked.
"Someone is looking hot" I gestured. Jesinta appeared to go a bit red before saying an embarrassed "thanks". She asked her nurse if we could have some private time and she duly obliged and left us be.
As I unpacked the picnic I looked over at Jesinta in her wheelchair and she just looked radiant, her dyed dark brown hair glistening in the sun while her lips looked so supple and moist. I didn't realise I was staring and this caught Jesinta's attention.
"What are you looking at? Did the nurse do my makeup wrong? Does my body look weird? she asked still a bit self conscious over the way she was.

"No nothing is wrong, I just think your so beautiful" I expressed.

 I moved over to her face with temples graced by pads holding her head in place and I gave her a kiss, she moaned as my lips met hers and it was fair to say we both enjoyed it, when I pulled away I looked into her eyes and they were just filled with such passion, I started to think that maybe this was the way it was meant to be, maybe what happened needed to happen for us to meet and spend this time together. After our embrace I went back to the picnic basket and retrieved some items.
"You know your going to have to feed me today" announced Jesinta. "You ever fed a quadriplegic before?"

"Can't say I have" I replied. "I'm definitely going to do my best though"

"If your feeding skills are anywhere as good as your kissing then we won't have a problem" hinted Jesinta.

I couldn't believe how relaxed I felt without Helena around and being with Jesinta just felt so easy and right. "What would you like first?" I asked

"Well I don't eat much but those strawberries look good. Oh and can you dip them in that chocolate that will be devine"

I took a strawberry from the punnet and dipped it in some melted chocolate I had been able to locate, as I plunged the strawberry into the chocolate it started to drip as i took it out. As I moved to Jesinta with it I put my other hand under it to stop the drips. I moved it up to Jesinta's mouth and placed it within a few centimetres of her mouth. "You have to virtually put it in my mouth. I can't move my head remember?" pointed out Jesinta. She opened her mouth and I placed the chocolate laden strawberry in her mouth, I knew from previous conversations that she couldn't really taste things but the act of it all was enough for her as her ruby red lips and teeth bit into a fresh strawberry. After she finished her first one I came along with another, this time though some of the chocolate dropped onto the top of her chest. "Sorry I dropped a bit of chocolate just below your vent" I admitted as I went to get a napkin to wipe it off. "No need for a napkin I'm sure you could find another way to clean it up" she hinted in a naughty tone. I couldn't believe she was thinking what I thought she was thinking but I leaned over and planted my tongue on the top of her chest and run it up licking up the chocolate that had dropped, as I did this I noticed Jesinta had her eyes closed with a smile on her face. "Kiss me" she asked so once again we kissed, my tongue still covered in chocolate but that didn't seem to worry Jesinta and this was quite a long embrace, our lips clashing together in a fury of emotion. While we had been getting much closer of late we were now reaching the point of no return but i didn't care, I was falling for Jesinta, and in a major way.....
　
Chapter 9
After the picnic Jesinta and I got even closer, she liked music as a means of healing and we both listened together to the many songs that had helped her get through the days, she was such a wonderful woman and I was now starting to enjoy every minute I spent with her, to be honest I almost went to work just hoping to run into her although she would often have therapy or a session with her psychologist as she still suffered depression over her condition. After another visit with Jesinta one day I left her room and Helena was waiting for me.
"The two of you have been getting quite cosy lately" she remarked.

"Well yes your right, Jesinta is a very special woman" I said proudly.

"Just make sure that when she finds out the truth i'm there ok? I want to see her eyes when she learns what you really are" taunted Helena.

"I'm sure I will find the courage to tell her one day" I replied.
 I then tried to turn the tables a little on Helena. "Not that I like to give you much thought Helena but considering your quite keen on Jesinta yourself how come you never tried anything with her?"

"Well yes I do like Jesinta and I would have loved for something to happen but she told me a story once about a female worker at another hospital who had wandering hands, she said it made her feel very uncomfortable and that she would never date someone responsible for her intimate care needs. I knew then it was a lost cause but I have my videos and I get to touch her every day so all good" she explained adding the last bit on to make me angry.

The thought of Helena with her hands all over the woman I was now starting to fall for enraged me no end but I couldn't show it. "Your unbelievable" I said as I went to walk off. As I made my way off she told me to expect a visit from her "friend" over my handling of the dvd's, she told me he wasn't happy and I would know about it very soon. I had no idea who this friend was but I was sure I would soon find out.

After a couple of days of lying low due to a minor infection Jesinta was well enough for us to hang out again, we were now on a regular kissing basis and she liked to feel like her body was still desirable so she wanted me to touch it which I had to admit I enjoyed, I couldn't believe that not long ago I had a steady girlfriend and a child on the way and how that had all exploded and I was now dating a quadriplegic of all things. With another day spent with Jesinta under my belt I got called into Clarence's office as he wanted to talk to me, I wondered if he knew what was going on with his daughter and strangely enough that was the reason he had invited me in.
"Hello Steven, how's everything going at present?" he asked.

"Yeah going well Clarence" I replied

"Well that's good to hear. My daughter told me you had a bit of a fight the other day over some dvd's?"

"Yes well they were some very unsavoury dvd's"

"Really? What was their nature?" asked an inquisitive Clarence.

"Well I know Helena is your daughter and all but she is mixed up with some very undesirable characters"

"That doesn't sound good" Clarence said before pausing. "Tell me this though Steven, what gives you the right to judge?" he added pointedly.

I felt there was a bit of a tone to the way he said that and wondered if he knew what my past was. "Are you trying to tell me something? I asked

"Well Helena told me that... well.. let's just say that you've had a colourful past"

At this point I knew that Clarence knew about what I had done, informed by Helena obviously. I wondered why he was hinting at it though, Helena used it as leverage so that I wouldn't bust her dvd ring but why would Clarence care? I then realised who Helena's "friend" must be.
"So tell me Clarence, you say you know what I have done but how about you?" I hinted hoping to get Clarence thinking.

"What do you mean? What I have done?" Clarence batted back

"Well your the "friend" that Helena talks about aren't you?"

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"It's you. Your her partner in crime when it comes to videotaping and distributing the dvd's of the people in the centre?" I told Clarence laying it all down on the line. He wasn't happy.

"Listen you prick you better shut your mouth quick smart or I will shut it for you" threatened Clarence. "I tend to think that attempted murder is a little more serious than selling off a few dvd's so I wouldn't be so self righteous buddy"

Clarence was really starting to get quite animated with me now and a vein was starting to bulge on the side of his face, I knew I should probably just shut the hell up and play dumb but when the woman I loved was involved I couldn't help it, to be honest I couldn't believe I just said I loved her but I did, she had warmed my heart so much that now I couldn't imagine being without her. After a little more heated discussion I left Clarence's office, I knew that Helena was Clarence's daughter but I still couldn't believe Clarence was in on it to, so much for wanting to run a "tight ship" as he told me, that was clearly a bald faced lie and he was just as crooked as a dog's hind leg.

After leaving the office I felt like I needed to wind down so I went to the local saloon to shoot a bit of pool and have a few drinks, after I had downed a few bourbons I just happened to run into the security guard that I had belted not long ago at the Foo Fighters concert.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" he menaced. I looked at him and wasn't concerned over the way he looked, I had dealt with him before and I would again if possible.
"Having a few drinks and minding my own business, something you should be doing yourself" I replied. As I said this though I noticed two men come up behind him, I guessed they were his mates and knew that suddenly I could be in trouble.
"Yeah well I'm going to make you my business tonight" he said before the three of them set upon me, I was quite adept at handling myself in a fight one on one but three proved to be a worry, I suffered many blows to the head before fighting them off and staggering into the street bloodied, there I had a stroke of luck and was able to hop into a taxi and get free...

After arriving home in the taxi I now knew that I had to get out of the town Juwata, not only did I have the security guard and his mates to contend with but I still was wanted by police for his assault, add to that Clarence and his daughter who knew about my past dealings and it had become far too risky to live in this town, I had to leave but I couldn't leave Jesinta, she meant too much to me now and I would have to find a way for her to come with me..
　
Chapter 10
　
The morning after my assault I was feeling quite sore, I looked in the mirror and could see that I had quite a bruised face which I wouldn't be able to hide, my ribs weren't faring too well either and I was concerned one of them might be cracked but I wouldn't be going to the hospital to find out that's for sure. I struggled with my putting my shirt on and then my pants, it was quite painful but I decided I had to tough it out, I would also have to find a way to get Jesinta out of Sheroaks and away from Helena and Clarence. Something that would prove quite difficult.
After having no breakfast I made my way to work, straight away Helena saw me. "What the hell happened to you?" she said looking amused.

"Just had a little trouble at the bar" I replied.

"A little trouble???"

"Yeah nothing for you to worry yourself about"

"Ooooh someone is touchy"

"Well you would be too if your face felt like it was on fire and you felt like death warmed up" I snapped.

With that said she just smiled, happy to see me in pain and then leaving me be. I made my way out to the garden and noticed the lawns needed mowing so got out the ride on mower, sitting on that doing the lawns shouldn't be too taxing I thought and I started her up and made my way cutting the grass around the complex. After 45 minutes or so Jesinta appeared in front of me, she looked like she was saying something but I couldn't hear her over the roar of the mower so I turned it off and jumped off to talk to her. "Hey gorgeous, you look hot on that mower" she smiled cheekily.

"Thanks babe" I replied. I then turned my head and she noticed my bruised face.

"Oh my god what happened to your face??" she asked worriedly.

"Just got into an argument at the local drinking establishment no big deal" I said trying to play it down.

"Well come over here and I can kiss it better"

I moved over to my paralyzed lover and put my bruised face within reach of her sweet lips, even just her kissing my face made me grimace a little in pain. "I'm sorry" said Jesinta hearing me.

 "All good. A kiss from you has made it a lot better" I replied before placing one on her lips that she wasn't expecting but enjoyed. "This will probably sound silly considering i'm a quadriplegic but every time you kiss me I feel weak at the knees" she gushed.
I now felt the same way and gestured back "Doesn't sound silly at all. Not when you care for someone".

"Do you care for me Steven? Like I mean really care?" asked Jesinta with a vulnerability in her eyes I hadn't seen before.

"Yes very much. The time we have spent together has just been so unbelievably special. I've enjoyed every minute" I moved to assure her

"Really? Every minute? I feel now that we are as one in the way we talk, kiss and everything else but when I first met you I always felt like you were holding back. Is that true?"

"I think I was just a bit concerned over your well being etc. I didn't want to get too close and let you down in some way but i don't feel like that anymore as I'm now sure of my feelings"

I gave her the company line to a degree but it was true, at first I was scared, scared of what I'd done, scared of what could happen but now that had all gone. You can't change the past and in the present I have tremendous feelings for this woman, she is a shining light in an otherwise bleak landscape and I had made it my mission now to try and make her as happy as she has been making me.
"Do you love me?" Jesinta asked. I couldn't believe she had just come out and said it but she did and I knew what to say.

"Yes. I love you Jesinta" I replied. I could see tears starting to well up in her eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing is wrong. It's just that after everything i've been through I can't believe I have found someone that I have such a profound connection with. I thought after being shot I would never experience love again but I have, and it feels wonderful" said Jesinta in a flood of emotion.
As i stood there I couldn't help almost shed a tear myself, in such a short period of time this woman now meant so much to me. "You big softie" teased Jesinta as she picked up on my feeling for her. As I stood there I decided to ask Jesinta something."Are you happy here? Like I mean at Sheroaks?"

"Why do you ask that?" replied Jesinta curious.

"I just think that this place isn't right for you, I've seen some things around here that have been a bit suspect and it worries me when i go home knowing you are here 24/7" I hinted without going into specifics.

 Jesinta looked at me a bit strangely before asking "What kind of things? I haven't seen anything"

"Just elements of care, mainly with other people, they have said they aren't happy" I made up.

"I love it here to be honest. The staff are great and my best friend Helena is here too, plus there's a really hot maintenance guy who works here as well" she giggled.

"What if i left though?"

"Your leaving?" Jesinta fretted.

"I'm thinking about it. I don't want to leave you though that's why i'm asking"

"Oh please don't leave Sheroaks, I have already lost too much I can't lose you too" worried Jesinta thinking i was just taking off after declaring my love.

"Don't worry. Even if I left Sheroaks we are still together. I want to spend every minute of the day with you it's just i don't think I can do it here anymore" I explained.

To be honest I couldn't explain it properly without ratting out Helena but i didn't want to do that as it would only cause trouble, unfortunately though without doing it would prove quite difficult to want Jesinta to want to move.
Sure enough the next day Helena had heard about the potential of me leaving. "Heard you might be taking off. Jesinta is worried" she mentioned.

"Yeah well how can I keep on going here knowing what's going on?"

"Well if you just looked the other way then we wouldn't have a problem would we?" urged Helena wanting me to just forget they were taking the last bit of dignity away from these people that they had by filming their intimate care needs.

"I have already done enough wrong I can't continue down that path. Plus I genuinely care for Jesinta now"

"Oh isn't that sweet. You care for her do you? Such a martyr" Helena chided.

"How about you find a transfer for Jesinta. There must be other places like this around she can be moved to, do that and I will out of your hair and you can continue on with your horrible little dvd ring without any opposition from me" I offered.
 I hated to throw all the other people at the centre 'under the bus' so to speak but I had to get Jesinta out of there and that was the only leverage I had.

"God you must really like her" said an astounded Helena.

"I more than like her, I love her" I replied.

Helena burst out laughing. "You love her?? Hahaha. Oh god that's the funniest thing I have ever heard!!"

My patience had grown very thin talking to Helena of late and I wasn't appreciating being laughed at over my feelings. "So we do have a deal or not??" I barked.

"Well the only place anywhere near like this is 7 hours away. But it's 7 hours closer to where you used to live" Helena said thankfully regaining her composure.

7 hours closer to where I lived wasn't ideal but it still gave me a 5 hour buffer, it would have to do I thought to myself, at this current point in time anywhere was better than Sheroaks. "Well can you set it up then please?" I asked.

"Well yeah right away. But there's one thing you should now though young Steven" hinted Helena

"And what's that?"

"Jesinta has to want to go, we can't just make her"

I looked at her and hoped it wasn't just a stupid game of hers but then I realised after further discussion that it was true. I would have to convince Jesinta to want to leave, and that wouldn't be easy...